


Just Breathe

by saints_to_sinners



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Complete, Death, F/M, Lost Love, Love, Romance, relationships, stalkers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-28 23:41:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16252199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saints_to_sinners/pseuds/saints_to_sinners
Summary: Doctor Samantha Casey comes home one night after celebrating her successful joining the FBI, to find her large family of ten dead in their shared home. Using FBI status to fight for everything she believes and hopes for in her life, she finds the only kindred spirit that could possibly speak to her in the darkest time in her life, but will it be enough.*I don't own Criminal Minds, but this is my original story, AND I worked hard, rewrote it 4 times, and it is published elsewhere. Enjoy.





	1. Prologue

Her steps were uneven as she drunkenly stumbled up the concrete walkway to her parent's house. She was drunk and she knew it, having drunk too much to celebrate her finishing her time at the FBI academy. Fresh out of college and newly turned 21, Samantha Elizabeth Casey was trying so hard to be quiet as she tried to get the front door open. Not wanting to wake her family at 4 in the morning with her stumbling steps. She finally got open the door, hoping she wouldn't trip on her way inside without turning on any lights.

Samantha realized it was probably a mistake when her feet stepped in something wet, and she slipped landing in a puddle of something, which even in her drunken thoughts was odd. Her mother was an immaculate housewife, keeping the large 12 bedroom house in perfect condition. Samantha stood slowly, trying not to slip again, as she continued toward where she knew had to be a light switch. Finding it quickly, she flipped in on and looked down at herself, and being shocked at what she saw, blood coated her legs and arms and probably her back and hair, she stilled, fear coursing through her. She finally glanced up at looked in the direction she had come and had to slam her hand over her mouth to keep from screaming. Her six-year-old nephew lay, horribly sprawled on the floor in front of the door, like he had been trying to run.

Samantha quickly forced her composure, and slipping her hand into the back of her shorts and pulling out her phone, dialing 911, taking a deep shaky breath.

"911, what's your emergency?" The voice on the line was a woman, and Samantha took a deep breath.

"This is FBI Special Agent Samantha Casey, badge number 76532, and I need police, CSI and the FBI at 2387 Cunningham Road, Arlington Virginia immediately. There is blood, a body of a six-year-old boy and probably more. This is my home, and I'm under the influence, I do not have my gun, but this is a 12 bedroom house, it's my father's, who is Senator Dean Joseph."

"Agent, did you touch anything?" The operator asked, her voice soft and kind.

"I slipped in blood when I came in, and I flipped on the entryway light, but that's all," Samantha responded, her voice shaky.

"Good, Agent. I want you to walk back outside your house, and wait for the authorities, they are on the way. ETA IS 4 minutes." She responded and Samantha followed her instructions, tiptoeing back the way she came, keeping her eyes forward, refusing to glance down at the mangled body of her nephew. She hit the outside and could hear the loud sirens and see the flashing blue and red lights as she walked down off the porch and into the grass as her legs finally gave out and she hit the ground.

"They-uh, they are here. Thank you." Samantha said to the operator. The operator said some kind words but Samantha couldn't hear them. She had already lost her grip on the phone, it falling to grass as her eyes began to well up with tears. The police cars pulled to a stop in front of her house followed by a medical truck and black SUV's. She could feel bile running up her throat, as an older gentleman walked slowly up to her. He was balding and wore regular street clothes unlike the man following behind him, who wore a stoic expression.

"Agent Casey?" The older man asked and Samantha sort of nodded. "We read your file on the way here, is it okay if I call you Doctor Casey instead?" He asked and she nodded again.

"There are 10 people that lived in that house," Samantha whispered as the old man got closer and squatted in front of her.

"Dr. Casey, I'm SSA Gideon. And this is SSA Hotchner, how about we get you to the SUV?" Gideon asked. Samantha knew his name, she had applied to work under him yesterday, for an opening in the BAU. But to his question, she shook her head.

"I need to know if my family is alive if any of them are alive." Her voice broke at the end, and she saw Gideon nod. Her heart felt heavy. But she couldn't seem to find the strength to stand. She just stared at the ground, her fingers clenching and unclenching the grass. Gideon stood as she heard footsteps, hushed whispers. It stopped as they both walked over to her.

"Dr. Casey." Gideon's tone of voice caused her head to shoot up and her neck popped, her eyes searching his and she could see it. She had a Ph.D. in Psychology, and one in Criminal Psychology, she was an expert on behavior and she could see the sorrow and pity in his eyes, and she felt her heart completely shatter. No one. Her entire family was dead. Murdered. Samantha nodded her head and using all the strength she could muster, she forced herself to stand, brushing her hand on her pants. Her legs felt shaky under her feet, her breath shallow, but she had to pull herself together. She took a deep breath, and another and another, pulled her heart shut and calming herself, steeling herself against the onslaught of emotions, and looked at Gideon.

"What can I do to help you catch the bastard who slaughtered my family?"

Everything happened quickly after that. Samantha was ushered into the FBI's black SUV and brought to headquarters, the drive was silent, and she was wringing her hands. She was still covered in blood, but Agent Hotchner had slipped into her room and grabbed her things she asked for, securing them in a black bag, her father had purchased for her if she had gotten a job at the BAU, she already expressed the need to pull her application from the candidate file, and Gideon nodded, making a hushed call to his boss. Something about another doctor, who had put his name in that would meet them at headquarters. When they got there, Agent Gideon lead Samantha to the bathrooms where she changed out of her blood-soaked clothes, into a pair of form-fitting black jeans and a dark blue sweater that hung to her mid thighs, she strapped her standard issue Glock onto her hip, and pulled out her credentials, and exited the bathroom, seeing Agent Gideon standing there with a tall muscular dark-skinned man, dressed in a dark suit.

"Dr. Casey this is Agent Morgan, he is apart of the BAU as well. Let's head up." Gideon spoke and led both of them towards the elevator. The silence was deafening and causing Samantha to once again wring her hands. The elevator opened, and the first thing that caught your eye, was a tall, lanky man with glasses, he was slightly hunched over and looked nervous.

"Dr. Reid," Agent Gideon was immediate as he walked over to the guy, he spoke to him softly as Samantha and Agent Morgan walked towards the glass, this Agent was quiet as he led her to a room, it was glass and a large round table, he motioned for a seat, and she sat down, putting her hands on the table. Her long, thin fingers tapping noiselessly. Things were going to get messy, Samantha knew it as she glanced out at Agent Gideon and Dr. Reid.

\--

Two weeks had passed, and Gideon had pulled together a safe house for Samantha, each member of his team taking time to stay with her. She had stayed here after the first night, deciding to stay at Headquarters to lend aid to the case of her family. She had learned some interesting things as well. In the last 3 weeks, 3 families had been murdered, one each week, but her family had been the largest, at a startling 10 people, not including herself. She ran a hand through her blond hair, and looked at the old table in front of her, her standard issued Glock sat on the table, and she glanced at the front door, seeing the BAU team. Derek Morgan was a kind guy, but he had demons, she could see them playing behind his eyes, and she would spend time listening to him tell her stories about his time as a police officer and wonder where his demons came from. Aaron Hotchner, was a bit distance, but loved his wife immensely, and had once been a lawyer, but had switched to the BAU years ago. Samantha could see the pain hidden in his movements, probably abused as a child. Not that he let anything slip. Jason Gideon was unique, he spent his time at the safe house with her, regaling stories of the origin of the BAU, or as it was once called, the BSU, how he and his close friend, David Rossi had started it, and she had smiled, having read his books in college. He kept his emotions under a surprisingly composed control. And there was Doctor Spencer Reid, the awkward new member, a year older than her, but just as smart and shy as well. For some reason, Gideon had placed Spencer with Samantha more than the others, not that she minded. Spencer had a way with getting lost in a subject, which was distracting for her.

Once every few days, they would all come to the safe house and discuss their finding with her, and switch places, Morgan had been with her before they all arrived, and she briefly wondered which one would be spending the night, but she had a guess that it was going to be the doctor. Hotch never spent the night, but he was always there in the morning, Morgan had just finished his, and Gideon usually had Reid stay the night.

"Alright, Dr. Casey, Reid will be with you tonight, we have four agents stationed around the area." Gideon began.

"I know, Agent," Samantha responded it was the same thing every night. He gave her a nod, before leaving followed by the others, leaving her alone with Reid. He gave her a small smile and took his spot in a chair near the couch where she sat.

"So, doc, do you want to finish our conversation from the other night?" She asked, leaning back in her seat, flashing him her best smile, and he let out a small laugh, and she stood. "Coffee?" She asked, and caught his nod, before preparing her black coffee and his coffee with a horrible amount of sugar.

"So where did we leave off last time?" He sighed taking the coffee and a sip, pushing his glasses up his nose to look at Samantha properly.

"You were telling me about being blindfolded and tied up to a flagpole," Samantha responded, sitting back on the couch but closer to his seat, tucking her legs under her as she sat.

"Ah yes," he groaned, "I was strung up there for hours until a maintenance guy found me in the early morning and cut me free. My mother had been horrified when I finally made it home." He finished, she'd been waiting to hear the end of his worst bullying memory for 2 days. "Your turn."

"My worst bullying memory, would probably be when I was 10, I was in my sophomore year, and it was horrible, I was this awkward blond kid, and my older siblings had tried so hard to deter the bullies, both being part of the popular kids," Samantha explained, taking a breath.

"That probably made it worse," Spencer added, and she nodded with a smile.

"A few Juniors tricked me, but letting something slip about my sister getting hurt in the gym, she was a cheerleader, so I rushed over there, and found the gym empty and a bunch of these girls came out from under the bleachers and surrounded me, and poured smoothies all over me." She paused again, "And started pushing me, I ended up slipping and hitting the ground hard, so I started crying, I was 10 and it hurt like hell. But the girls were ruthless, and they started throwing pads and tampons on me, like a scene out of Carrie. Until my sister and her squad showed up, I've never seen my sister so livid." Samantha paused, her thoughts going to her protective sister, and tears welled up in her blue eyes.

"Oh, Samantha I'm sorry," Spencer whispered and touched her hand, and she shook her head, blinking back tears.

"Thanks, doc." She gave him a weak smile. "Okay, subject change, you are supposed to be distracting me from my problems. Tell me a secret, something you are embarrassed about." She looked at him, brushing a strand of hair out of her face, and Spencer blushed.

"I don't know.." He responded, and she laughed.

"You have to have something, you tell me one and I'll tell you one." She gave him her best smile, and he sighed.

"I'm a virgin." He whispered, and she barely heard it, but she knew what he said, and smiled.

"Me too." His head whipped up and looked at her, in shock. She knew why, even though she had been an awkward pre-teen in high school, she had been 16 and up in college, and had blossomed, filling out her clothes, tall and lean, and she was aware people thought she was attractive. "School was more important." She smiled, squeezing his hand, before standing and going to the kitchen to pull out something to eat and thoughts plagued her. Her life was in shambles, and her family dead. She was alone, and who knew how long she'd even survive this incident. She glanced back at Spencer, who had sat up straight and closed his eyes, leaning his head back, like he was trying to release tension in his shoulders when something crossed her mind. Something her sister had said once.

"It's not always about the emotions, but the act of being close to someone when you feel alone." Aston had said not that Samantha had thought much about it, until now. She silently placed the pot she'd grabbed down, and kicking off her flats, walked over to Spencer, before she began to talk herself out of it, she straddled his lap, his eyes flying open to looking at her, as she leaned down and pressed her lips to his gently. He didn't react at first, before deepening the kiss, his lips soft, but his hands hadn't touched her yet, still off to the side, as she wiggled in his lap and felt him hardening under her spread legs, and he pulled back.

"Samantha.." He was breathless, and his pupils had grown large, and she sighed.

"Please, Spencer." She whispered, leaning down kissing his neck softly. "I don't want to feel alone right now." Her lips trailed up his neck, she wasn't sure if she was really doing it right, but going off a few romance novels she had devoured, hoped she was.

"You are in a vulnerable position, and I do not want to take advantage." He whispered, his voice hoarse, and cracking. She pulled back, still in his lap.

"You wouldn't be taking advantage, I know it seems that way, but somehow I was lucky enough that in all this tragedy, I found someone like you, like me." She began, "I wouldn't want to be with anyone else for my first time, but if you do not want me, I understand." She finished, going to climb off his lap, when his long slender fingers wrapped around her wrist, stopping her. He looked torn, wanting her and not wanting to take advantage. She paused, still in his lap, and finally the part of him that wanted her caved, and he pulled her wrist, his other hand going for her long-locks and pulling her lips back to his, kissing her with fever. His hand finally left her wrist and hair, going down to her backside, and lifting her gingerly and standing, maneuvering them the few steps to her room, and kicking the door shut, as he laid her down, looking at her as she sat up, pulling off her top, and he came to her. And they fumbled with inexperienced hands, stripping each other and falling into each other's hands. Not knowing what the future holds.


	2. Marshals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doctor Samantha Casey comes home one night after celebrating her successful joining the FBI, to find her large family of ten dead in their shared home. Using FBI status to fight for everything she believes and hopes for in her life, she finds the only kindred spirit that could possibly speak to her in the darkest time in her life, but will it be enough.
> 
> *I don't own Criminal Minds, but this is my original story, AND I worked hard, rewrote it 4 times, and it is published elsewhere. Enjoy.

14 years later...

"Agent Prentiss?" Emily looked up at the man standing at the entrance of her office door. She let her own drop as she motioned for him. He was tall, and a Marshall, she knew that by the badge around his neck; but it helped he had called her an hour earlier.

"Yes, Marshall Conner, so what is it you needed to talk about?" Emily said. He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Straight to the point, good." He put a file on her desk. "I've got 6 dead Marshall's and 3 who are awol, and they were all connected to a case that we've had for 14 years." Marshall Conner looked tired at these words.

"Fourteen years?" Emily was incredibly shocked. "That's a long time for witness protection." She finished.

"It was a big case here in Arlington, it involved a man who slaughter three relatively obscure small families, before attacking a killing a family of ten, the family of a Senator who had retired. He left one victim alive." The Marshall seemed to struggle, which Emily understood, talking about witness protection cases was never easy, it went against everything for the Marshall service.

"And the survivor?"

"AWOL as well, with the same three agents, but they dropped out all at the same time. Her position had been compromised a few times in the last 14 years, she's been all over the place." Marshall took a deep breath, "the main reason I came to the BAU about this case is because she is an FBI agent, and Agent Gideon, Agent Hotchner, Agent Morgan and Dr. Reid handled her case when it came in" he paused, before continuing. "They handled it until it was obvious he was in the wind, but he had targeted her specifically. He had spent time in her room at her parents, after killing everyone. We had to remove her, and put her under our protection." Marshall explained. Emily paused before responding, she glanced out her office window seeing Reid.

"Hold On Marshall." She stood, poking her head out of her window. "Hey, Reid come in here for a second." She turned back to the Marshall. "Dr. Reid is the only one on the team, from back then, Hotchner and Morgan both resigned and Gideon passed away. So, he should be apart of the conversation." She finished as Reid walked into her office, softly shutting the door. It looked that his seminar had done him some good.

"What's going on, Prentiss?" Reid asked, eyeing the Marshall suspiciously, and Emily didn't blame him after everything him and the team had gone through recently.

"Dr. Reid, I'm Marshall Conner, and I've got 6 dead Marshall's, and 3 missing as well as Dr. Samantha Casey," Marshall said, and Emily could see the wheels turning in his head as he remembered. His brown eyes growing wide, a faint blush on his cheeks.

"I remember that case, it was my first one with the BAU, I came on the night that her family was killed. We had both been in the running to join the FBI and she pulled out and Gideon called me, giving me the position. She's missing as well?" Reid said looking at the Marshall again.

"Her and the three Marshall's with her vanished about a month ago. Which has happened before concerning her case, sometimes the Marshall's would drop off for a few weeks, calling once they settled in a new place." Marshall paused, "but it's been a month, and nothing which is strange, but they left a lot of stuff behind when they left their last safe house."

"Do you always keep when her with the same guys?" Emily asked, for a long case like this to only have nine different Marshall's was interesting.

"For the most part. Three of my agents have been with her from the start, and every once in a while we'd trade them out for a different set to break up the everyday thing. But we kept using the same agents because it was easier for each time her location was compromised." Conner explained, "Listen, Agent Prentiss, everything about her case and my men are in that file, and any other information you may need, I will give you. I just need to know what happened."

"Good, Reid get the rest of the team to meet us in the conference room," Emily said grabbing the file. "Let's go Marshall." Reid took off without another word and Emily led the Marshall into the conference room. It only took a few moments, her team filed in; Rossi, Alvez, Simmons, Lewis, Reid, JJ and Garcia.

"Okay, we've got a case, and it was brought to me by Marshall Conner here," she turned pointing at him, "he's got 6 dead Marshall's, 3 missing and a Dr. Samantha Casey missing."

"Casey? I remember that name, we worked that case." Garcia responded, and then looked at Reid, "it was your first one."

"Reid, tell me everything you remember about Dr. Casey that you know," Emily said as everyone sat down expect Reid.

"At 4:26 am, Samantha Casey took a cab home from a local bar call 'The Hopper' where she had been celebrating with her previous dorm mate after finishing her skit at the FBI academy. She was trying to be quiet as she came but she immediately slipped in something that she realized was blood, once she turned on the light. She made a call to 911 and came back here to headquarters because she said she needed to help find the person who did this. We went through her entire background, she had never had a boyfriend, not through high school or college, she worked a job at a library during college, she hadn't met anyone strange that seemed to pay too much attention to her. Though she pointed out that she always got looks and date request, she turned them down." Reid said, looking at her file.

"None?" Alvez asked looking at her file, he wasn't shocked that she got asked out. Her picture for her badge showed she had long blond hair, and a lovely face, but something was strange.

"None, by society's standards she was beautiful, about 5'7" and fit and..." Reid trailed off, he was contemplating what else he could say.

"Reid, just spit it out, we need to know what she looks like," Rossi said with a smirk.

"No need, a picture is coming up" Garcia said as it did. And Alvez couldn't deny what Reid had said, she was tall and fit, but voluptuous, she looked like a girl he would've avoided in high school, but had a huge crush on her.

"She was a doctor?" Simmons said looking at the girl in the picture.

"She has an IQ of 187, with a photographic memory, a listed genius, she graduated high school at 16, doubled up in college at William and Mary College the first Ivy League college, and got 2 PhDs in 3 years and 2 Masters and a bachelors in the 2 years after that; graduating at 20, she spent 6 months trying to decide what to do with her degrees than 6 months in the FBI academy, finishing that like her other schools, with perfect scores on everything" Reid explained, with complete fascination.

"You learned a lot about her," JJ replied looking at him.

"When she was here and we learned she might be a target, Gideon had her put in a safe house and we all spent some time with her over a month, before the safe house was compromised, then she stayed here for three weeks before she left with the Marshall's." Reid finished, eyeing the photo Garcia had pulled up. He had nearly forgotten about the Doctor he had met 14 years, 4 months and 7 days ago, he had found someone to talk to that was his equal, they spoke about Psychology and English, about their time in high school, college and the FBI academy. She was brilliant and witty, and unforgivably beautiful.

"How was the safe house compromised?" Prentiss asked, looking at the file.

"We believe the Unsub knew she was an agent, and followed one of us from here to the safe house, while we couldn't be sure, we just moved her to the most secure location we knew of, until the Marshall's had a place for her," Reid responded, glancing at the picture again. For years after she was put in the program, he thought of nothing else, even when he met Lila, who looked so much like Samantha, it hadn't been till Maeve did she slip out of his mind. He grew irritated with himself, Samantha had been different from everyone, even Maeve. She'd been brilliant and beautiful, confident and blunt. He felt his neck flush as the memories trickled in about how blunt she had been with him.

The team so emerged in the current case didn't notice the woman slip in the glass doors, and up to the conference room, leaning against the door frame. She looked at the picture, recognizing the picture immediately. The new girl adjusted her black pants and pulled off the black baseball hat she had used to hide her face in her travels, long, dark red hair falling past her shoulders.

"So I guess you're looking for me." She spoke up, and every head snapped to hers. She only recognized two faces in the new BAU, Dr. Spencer Reid and Penelope Garcia. Both of which looked expectantly calm to see her.

"Samantha," Reid whispered and she felt a jolt, it had been 14 long, lonely years since she had heard that name. She'd almost forgotten it. She looked at the picture Garcia had up and compared to know she was thinner and harder.

"Dr. Casey." A dark-haired woman stood, and with the research, Samantha had down on the bus ride, she knew her name was Prentiss. The new unit chief who had taken over for Hotch.

"That's me." She shrugged, dropped her black duffle onto the couch right inside the room. Rolling her shoulders and pushing the sleeves of her jacket up, she walked to the table and stood next to Reid.

"What happened?" A man spoke up, a Marshall. She knew that badge and jacket. "Where are my men? Why are you back in Virginia?" He asked, stepping closer to her.

"They're dead. All three of them." She finished look to Garcia, "you might want to call Bakersfield police and send them to 3476 Olive Court, as well as CSI. I fled quickly." She responded.

"What happened?" Prentiss asked, and Samantha let out a sigh.

"After my position had continuously been compromised, the Marshalls and I came up with a possible reason. The Unsub was getting into the database somehow and finding me. All you need is the case number. We decided, not to say anything when it became clear it had been compromised in LA, so going to Bakersfield was the easiest choice to say under for the longest period, but obviously, we were wrong. It took three weeks for him to find us there." Samantha explained, "At 3:30 in the morning, I woke to a crash downstairs, and shouting. The Marshalls were telling me to run, but I wasn't fast enough. I had come out of my door just as he came upstairs, it happened fast. I grabbed a vase and threw it at him and he tackled me, we struggled but I was able to get free, I grabbed my bag and booked it. It happened in a total of 8 minutes and I didn't stop running until I slipped onto a bus, to the actual bus station bought a ticket here, and arrived 1 hour ago. I walked here and that's it."

"Why headquarters?" Reid asked, she looked at him, really looked. He looked haggard and different. She was curious as to what had happened to him in the last 14 years.

"Because I'm tired." She replied looking back at the rest of them. "I'm tired of running, hiding and being scared. I want this over and what better place than where it all started."

"I don't think that's a good idea." The Marshall spoke out.

"No offense Marshall, but that's not your call. It's the Director of the FBI's, who I spoke to outside on a pay phone and he has approved. Agent Prentiss, you should be getting a call." As Samantha said that, Prentiss' phone rang, she answered replied in short words and it was finished.

"The Director did approve. You are to work in correlation with us here." Emily finished a look of respect on her face.

"I still have my badge, however, I do not have my gun. We kept them locked in a safe in our safe houses." Samantha responded.

"Don't worry about that. Rossi, Lewis and, Simmons get on the jet and go to Bakersfield. Look at the crime scene, this is a federal case but send an alert to the local police. And don't forget to grab her gun. Alvez and JJ, go to the Marshall office and see if there is any other overlap in how her positions got compromised. Reid and Casey go over the cases, I know it'll be hard but that includes your families, Casey. Marshall, you and I will be going with Garcia. Who I want to rego over everything in this file and find something. Let's catch this fucker." Prentiss said standing and everyone broke up. Leaving Reid and Samantha standing there.

"Coffee?" Reid asked and Samantha nodded. Garcia returned as Reid exited, handing Samantha a phone.

"It's untraceable. Speed dial one is me, 2 in Reid, 3, is Emily, 4 is Rossi, 5 is JJ." Garcia said with a smile before leaving. Samantha was shocked and humbled. She remembered the tech analyst as kind but a little quiet. She defiantly and broken out of her shell, with bright clothes. Reid returned as Samantha was staring after Garcia who had long since left.

"Do you still take it black?" Reid asked and Samantha looked at him.

"Do you still take coffee with your sugar?" She asked in returned and he gave her his gentle smile, which surprising was the same as it was when they first met.

"Yes. Now before we start going over the cases, Prentiss asked me if we could go over your stay in Wit Sec." he asked sitting down and she followed suit, turning her chair so the could face each other.

"My first location was New York, it took him 19 months. The second was Dallas, and it took him 17; the third was Denver and it took him 11 months. The fourth location was Seattle and it took him 48 months to find me, which was stranger, the Marshall's and I figure he got picked up for something or something happened that made him put it on hold or maybe he just didn't expect that location." Samantha explained, and Reid just listened, nodding so often.

"After that is Orlando for twelve months, eleven months in Jackson, Oregon; eight in Arizona; five in Alabama; five in Idaho; three in Maine; ten in Hawaii; ten in Los Angeles and finally just a month in Bakersfield." Samantha finished.

"It continuously varies depending on your location, the Marshall's were incredibly intelligent when relocating you. They kept moving from one side to the other. And they were obviously always prepared." Reid responded, and stood, beginning to pace. "Why, Bakersfield?" He asked looking back at her.

"Just like you said, they kept moving me back and forth the country, we wanted to try something different. So we only went two hours away, but he might of just followed us from LA." She responded, putting her head in her hands.

"Samantha, it isn't your fault," he said, placing his hand gently on her shoulder which shocked her, he was so adamantly against physical contact the last time she saw him. She glanced up, and his eyes bore into her blue ones and he saw it, her once lively eyes bore nothing, but coldness. And he wondered what had changed in her, even after the death of her family her eyes had still held life, now they didn't.

"You see it, don't you?" She asked him. And his eyebrow raised, but she knew he did. She stood, his hand dropping from her shoulder.

"You see the darkness too." She whispered before exiting the room, and Reid followed her. He followed her to the glass doors, walking behind her.

"Samantha, stop." He said gently grabbing her wrist as his longer, legs reached her, and he turned her. He looked around and pulled her into Morgan's old office, shutting the door, he looked at her.

"It isn't darkness I saw." She shook her head at his words.

"Liar." She responded harshly. "I feel it, this numbness, a coldness that has been rooting itself in my chest."

"You have been through something no one should ever have to go through, Samantha. Of course, you feel that way." Reid responded.

"I've turned into a borderline monster." She replied, trying not to notice that his hand was still wrapped around her wrist. She knew the feeling of his hand wrapped on her feeling, she had memorized it 14 years ago.

"The hell you are." He squeezed her wrist softly. "You are a survivor who has been practically alone for the last 14 years, you lost your family. You feel the numbness, but once we catch this bastard, you'll find yourself again." He replied, looking deep into her eyes.

"How could you possibly know that, Reid? Emotions aren't as easy to profile." She snapped back. Their voices rising slightly in the dim office.

"Because I have felt what you felt, maybe not for the same reasons, but I have felt them. I have felt the darkness, the coldness, the numbness." He responded. "Since I saw you last, I've been kidnapped, tortured, held hostage; twice; seen people I loved killed in front of me and I've been arrested and am on the brink of losing my mother." He looked at her, his eyes pleading with her to see that he had felt what she felt.

"The difference between what you have gone through, and I feel for you, Reid, I'm not undermining what you've gone through. But you had this team to lean on, you've had people you can trust to lean on. I don't have anyone, I don't have anything." Samantha whispered, praying his hand off her wrist, and walking out the office running into Prentiss.

"We might have something, come with me,." Prentiss said, leading the way to Garcia's office.

Samantha and Reid followed Prentiss to down the hall to a dark office, Samantha recognized as Garcia's office, however, it was quite different now. Plastered with little figurines and things to distract from the darkness. Samantha could understand why, when she glanced at the screens, she could only imagine the horrible things Garcia would see on her screen.

"So like the smarty pants that I am, I went over some old email addresses for you and the Marshall's, and I found a recent email" She motioned to a large screen. It was one of Samantha's school emails, the email subject read, 'I'll find you' and it had an attachment. Garcia clicked on the video, and it popped up, it was Samantha, at 18 on a stage, a microphone. And Samantha was thrown back 16 years ago.

"I remember that night," she whispered, and everyone looked at her. "It has a larger story to it..." she trailed off and Reid looked at her.

"Start from the beginning." He supplied and she nodded.

"When I got into college, I insisted on staying at the dorms, I needed to have a relatively normal experience. Well, at 16, my parents were less than thrilled, but my father pulled some strings and got me to put in a room with Sarah Young. She was in her last few years of her own Ph.D., and she took me under her wing." Samantha explained, remember the only real friend you had ever had. "When I finished getting my degrees, she took me out to The Hopper, it shut down for college students only that night. And Sarah insisted I do something daring. She had picked my outfit, trying to help me branch out of my shell. It worked, I got on stage and sang one of her favorite songs." Samantha thought back. Then something went off in her head, a guy had been watching her, even tried to ask her out.

"There had been a guy, a bit awkward, and he had watched me most the night. He asked me out after I got off stage. He got a little upset when I refused; talking about our connection and love. " She paused, "but I knew his face, we had taken a class together during my last year. I had taken an Art class, to break up the monogamy of psychology and he was in that class." She glanced at Prentiss.

"It might be him, he wanted you to remember this night. Can you describe him to a sketch artist?" Prentiss asked. Samantha nodded. A bonus to having a photographic memory.

"I just don't know his name. But he had to have been a student, cause only they were allowed in the bar. But that also means he had a student ID because that's how you got inside." Samantha supplied.

"What's that mark on your hand?" Marshall asked pointing at the dark X, on the top of her hand.

"It was to signify that I was under 21. It was still a bar, so when we got there, we had to give our Student ID, as well as our State ID. I was only 18 in this picture." Samantha responded. Prentiss nodded before leaving the room, calling a Sketch Artist, and Samantha stood there, staring at the frozen video.

"Do you want me to play it?" Garcia asked Samantha's eyes shot to hers.

"No." The response was gruff and followed by Samantha leaving the room, passing Prentiss silently. Samantha walked directly into the bathroom. Glancing at her reflection. She could barely recognize herself. Her once lush blond hair, died a deep red, her full figure now thin and always cold. She barely knew herself. She stood there for what felt like an eternity before a timid knock sounded on the door.

"The Sketch Artist is here." Reid's voice sounded gentle, and Samantha had to swallow down her feelings again. Being so close to the Doctor wasn't working in her favor. She walked to the door, pushing it open as Reid stepped back.

"Let's go," Samantha said, and he led her down the hallway to the conference room. At a chair, a man sat with a sketchbook and a handful of pencils. He was shadowed by Prentiss and the Marshall. Samantha sat down in front of him, giving him a curt nod before closing her eyes.

"He had a round face, with light stubble, like he hadn't shave in a few days, his eyes were large, and round, and green. Very green. His hair was messy but dark. Almost black. He was probably a handful of years older than me at 18, back then. He was about 6'2" or so. Maybe, but he was quite taller than I am." Samantha described. Pulling up the image of him to light behind her eyelids. Opening them only after she heard the pencil scratching stop. The artist held up the image and she cocked her head and looked at it. "His hair was a bit thicker and shorter. And his chin not as round, his lips were thin." She watched the artist turn back and erase some things before drawing more in and showing her the picture. She nodded, then paused.

"He's going to look different, it's been thirteen years since I saw his face." Samantha supplied. The Sketch Artist handed Prentiss the photo.

"I know, but when Garcia gets into the school's database, she is going to run facial recognition to find his student ID, which will at least give us a name," Prentiss said, looking at Samantha.

"Have Garcia focus on Art Students. He had paint on his clothes. He probably got a degree for it, William and Mary University had a decent Art Program." Reid supplied. Prentiss nodded and lead both the artist and the Marshall out of the room, leaving the two doctors alone once again.

"Why do you call me Reid?" He asked, his voice low and causing her to glance over her shoulder at him.

"Everyone else does." She responded with a shoulder shrug.

"Fourteen years ago, you called me Spencer for one month and three weeks. You called me Doc when you were joking around. You called me Reid when you were angry with me. I don't see anger when you address me by my surname, but it's a distancing technique that you probably got from the Marshall's." Reid rambled off.

"It would seem you answered your own question," Samantha responded. He was right, for the most part. A part of her, still remembering the time they had spent together in the safe house. Gideon thinking it would be good for the young doctor to work closely with her in the safe house.

"But we had been close back then.." Reid trailed off. Samantha controlled her body before she could flinch, and her expression as Garcia came into the office.

"My systems are running its software but Rossi and the others are on their way back." She supplied. Before turning and leaving. Samantha glanced up at the clock, the time had flown by. She had arrived at the BAU at 7 am on the dot, and it was now inching towards 8:30 pm. Samantha suddenly realize the main flaw in everything, she had nowhere to stay, she didn't want to stay in a safe house; figuring she could bunker down on the couch here in the conference room. Not that she was going to be able to sleep. Everything had changed in the 13 hours and 30 minutes she had entered the BAU office. The Marshall's never commented on her ability to shut her emotions down and do whatever that was necessary to survive her ordeal; they had never commented on her heartless and cold demeanor, not as Reid had. They also didn't have the history with her that Reid himself had. Not that Samantha let herself think back to it. She let out an annoyed sigh, running her hand through her disheveled hair. Reid was surprisingly silent, but she could feel his deep brown eyes burning a hole in the back of her head.

"Samantha..." his voice held an emotion she had only ever heard from him. And she shook her head, refusing to let the thought slip into her mind. And she heard him leave the room. And watched him walk out of the glass door, heading towards Garcia's cave.

Samantha stood, desperately needing air, she walked to her duffle, still sitting on the floor, rummaging through it, she pulled out her black baseball hat, pushing her hair up and sliding the hat on, pulling it over her face. She left the office, took the stairs down and slipped out the side door into the parking garage. The crisp October air hit her hard and she sucked in a haggard breath, before releasing it. She had missed Virginia so much, missed the smells of autumn and the way the air was just right when she needed it to be. She only stood out there a moment before slipping back inside, knowing that only FBI officials knew about the back exit into the garage. She headed back up the stairs and to the office, running directly into Rossi. He looked at her, his eyebrows raising slightly, before nodding. He slipped his hand into his bag, pulling out her standard issued Glock in its holster and he handed it to her, and walked through the glass doors, leaving her in silence.

Samantha worked fast, undoing her belt, pulling it out of a few belt loops, slipping on her hip holster before rebuckling the belt and following Rossi, he stood with the rest of the team, minus JJ and Alvez, and she slipped into the room.

"Alright, Rossi what did you guys find?" Prentiss asked.

"We found some duck-taped glass, obviously used to get it. He tapped an X on the back window, breaking it without noise." Rossi started. "The first Marshall that was killed was found in the kitchen, where the entry point is, her throat was slashed, and it looked that he snuck up on her. The next Marshall was killed sitting down on the couch. He was facing away from the entry on the kitchen, sitting on the couch with a book in his hands. Once again, it seemed to be a surprise attack. Now the last Marshall was found halfway towards the safe, he had multiple defensive wounds, he fought back. He was in pajamas, so he must've gotten up for something and surprised our Unsub." Rossi finished before glancing at Samantha, her brows wrinkled.

"They all had routines, things they did when we had to vanish, like we did from LA, it was generally the same every time." Samantha began, stepping forward, standing between Rossi and Simmons avoiding Reid. "The female is Jessie Stones, she had a large culinary background, always claimed it calmed her nerves, so she chose the chef aspect, handing all food related things, however, she was an avid tea drinker, always drank 4 cups of tea before bed.

"The second Marshall, the one on the couch was Brandon Hill, he had a bachelor's in English Literature, he'd bury his head in books, making himself the librarian, he'd find all the closest bookstores and bring himself and me different books, so we could read whenever we needed. Then donating them after we finished them, only keeping the ones we really loved." Samantha continued, holding back emotions of sadness, she had spent 13 years with these people, she knew them. "The last Marshall was Killian Becket. He was the authority figure, he made the rules, decisions. He insisted on keeping up regular exercise and gun training. He got up a few times a night, to go around the perimeter. He was generally paranoid and did this 4 times a night. Once at 8 pm, another at 12 am, at 4 am and again at 8 am." Samantha stopped, and looked at the board, seeing the sketch on the guy from the bar.

"These Marshall's were intelligent, and always on high alert. But he attacked at the time they'd be most vulnerable." Simmons said, looking at the group.

"You're right, even at 4 in the morning, they'd be tired. Maybe a little disoriented, and tense. They would've hard the slightest sound, so why didn't they?" Reid asked, looking at Rossi.

"I'm waiting on an ME report, but I think I can see what you're getting at," Rossi responded, then his phone rang, him slipping out the door to answer.

"What ARE you getting at, Reid?" Prentiss asked.

"The likelihood of these Marshall's turning against Samantha are, unlikely. From what. She's said, they had formed a family-like environment while keeping her safe. There have to be strong emotions to subconsciously form that kind of bond." Reid explained, "which explained why the first thing Killian Beckett's first response was to shout or cause a noise that would alert Samantha to what was going on to try and save her, before going for the weapon safe. But he took this Unsub on without hesitation when even in this kind of situation would cause someone to try and force their own survival. But Beckett instinctively protected Samantha." Reid finished as Rossi walked in.

"That was the ME, this guy drugged them. The drug didn't have much time to fit into the system which suggests they died quickly afterward. The ME is still trying to figure out how they were drugged and what kind it was." Rossi explained.

Samantha took a deep breath, she knew they hadn't betrayed her, but it did nag at her that somehow this guy had gotten past all three professional trained Marshall's. How he had fought Killian head on and still got the upper hand. He had always had the ability to make her feel safe, his training and his strength always reminded her of her father, and older brother. Samantha felt her heart was heavy, and put her hands on the desk, ignoring the stares from the people around her. She forced herself to breathe deeply but she was struggling. She could physically feel herself start to panic, her chest was tight and a thin sheen of sweat had coated her body, her legs shaking trying to keep her standing, her vision being spotted with black spots, as she started blinking rapidly. She didn't hear him step around Simmons, she barely felt his hands grab her arms, but her body did turn when he urged, his face barely visible, but in front of her nonetheless.

"Samantha?" His voice gentle as he tried to calm her. But she could barely hear him, she brought her hands up, they were shaking hard as she gripped his sweater. He nodded and pulled her close into his chest as it happened. She didn't black out, but her usual cold and detached persona had crumbled, it finally coming to a head, that she had lost a second family. People she had loved, and it happened all over again. Her tears welled up, spilling over and onto Reid's sweater as he kept his arms wrapped tightly around her shoulders, she was sobbing, into him. Her fingers clutching his sweater tightly refusing to let go. His whispered softly to her and didn't spare a glance at anyone else in the room, except to nod at Prentiss, Who motioned for everyone to leave, which they did. As Reid continued to hold her.


	3. Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doctor Samantha Casey comes home one night after celebrating her successful joining the FBI, to find her large family of ten dead in their shared home. Using FBI status to fight for everything she believes and hopes for in her life, she finds the only kindred spirit that could possibly speak to her in the darkest time in her life, but will it be enough.
> 
> *I don't own Criminal Minds, but this is my original story, AND I worked hard, rewrote it 4 times, and it is published elsewhere. Enjoy.

Emily Prentiss stood silently in Garcia's little lair. She had seen the break coming in Casey. Prentiss knew a person could only hold on for so long before something broke. Casey had lost two families, in 14 years. She had been alone with barely any physical contact. But there was something because there was a connection with Reid. Prentiss saw it clearly, Casey would tense up horribly whenever Reid was around, and it wasn't fear. Prentiss had seen it in her eyes, it was familiarity and it was something akin to trust. And just now, when her panic attack started, Reid was instant in going to help her, which was unlike him.

"Do you think there is something between Boy Wonder and Lady Genius?" Garcia asked, obviously coining a new nickname for Casey.

"I think there may have been, or they are kindred people. Both genius' and on the fast track to being apart of the BAU." Prentiss supplied. Something dinged on the computer, pulling up a facial recognition on our suspect.

"Jason Dalton," Garcia muttered before her fingers flying across the keyboard. "Oh. Oh. This is interesting." And she turned to look at Prentiss, who nodded before motioning Garcia to follow. She led the way back out and towards the conference room. Reid has gotten Casey to sit, and she was sipping coffee from his own mug. Prentiss forced herself to control her expression on that front, before Garcia rushed in, followed by everyone.

"I have found our mystery guy from the bar," Garcia said, pulling up the Student ID. "Jason Dalton. 25, back in 2005, 38 now. Born on October 24, in 1979. He graduated in '05, with a Masters in the Arts. He lost his mom in '02, two months before graduation." Garcia explained. "As of 14 years ago, he vanished, for 44 months before resurfacing when his disable grandma passed away, then vanished again. I don't have a current address, a driver's license, or a single bill in his name."

"That doesn't really help us, Garcia," Simmons spoke out, but Samantha shook her head.

"But it does. His vanishing lines up, probably perfectly. Garcia, what does his father do?" Samantha asked.

"That's the juicy part, my lovely, lady genius," Garcia responded, causing a smile to softly light up Samantha's face. "Jonathan Dalton, aka Daddy Dearest, was in killed in prison in '05, right before the first family murder happened."

"So right after his mom dies, he sees Samantha at the bar, singing a song about love and loss, and he attaches to her. Probably stalks, but stalkers aren't usually dangerous. However, then his father is killed, which is probably the stressor. What was the father in prison for?" Lewis asked.

"Jonathan Shane Dalton was arrested for...." Garcia paused as she hacked at looked deep into it, before her eyes widening and looking up from her laptop screen. "He was arrested and convicted for 4 counts child kidnapping, 6 counts of child molestation, and 3 counts of murder. He was a bad guy, and one of his very own victims was his own son, Jason." Garcia whispered, obviously feeling really down.

"It's okay to pity him, Garcia," Samantha spoke up, seeing the hesitation on the blond tech analysts face. "No child should ever have to go through something like that, ever. What happened to him, doesn't justify what he has done or is doing, but it still isn't right." Garcia nodded thankful at Samantha's delicate words.

"Well, now we have a suspect, which means we can have a press conference," Prentiss said, pulling out her phone. Samantha took a deep drink of the coffee Reid had brought her, she cast a sideways glance at the tall doctor, before letting out a gentle breath, resting her head on her arms, letting her tired eyes flutter shut.

And Reid watched, he watched her shoulders rise and fall, her back slowly releasing the tension from the day. Everyone slowly slipped out, except for Rossi, his old eyes watching the way Reid reacted to Samantha. She had obviously fallen to sleep, the long and stressfulness in the last 24 hours had drained the young woman, and her panic induced crying hadn't helped her exhaustion.

"You care about her a lot." Rossi made the statement, always seeing things people would prefer to hide.

"You never miss a thing," Reid responded, without taking his eyes from Samantha.

"Something happened between you two, 14 years ago. You don't have to tell me." Rossi began, "you'll need to be stronger than you have ever been to help her move past this, once we catch this son of a bitch." As usual, it wasn't said as a question or anything close. Just a statement of facts, as usual with Rossi. Reid just nodded as Prentiss walked back in, slipping her phone in her pocket.

"I have a press conference set up for first thing in the morning, it's nearly 11 pm, so I want everyone to get some rest," she paused, looking at Samantha. "Reid, are you able to stay here with her?"

"Yes, I had to put my mom in a care facility here in town." He responded, looking at his unit chief. 

"If you need anything from your place, send one of the other agents, I don't want her to be alone. Alvez and JJ didn't find anything that Marshall Conner hadn't already told us, so they are heading home. Conner did as well, I already sent Lewis, Simmons and Garcia home. So let's reconvene as early as possible in the morning, to prepare for the press." Prentiss nodded before heading to her office followed quickly by Rossi. Once again, leaving Reid with Samantha. Even asleep she seemed uneasy, her body flinching every so often, as Reid watched her. He pulled away from the table, silently thanking whoever left the light on in the office and grabbed a cup of coffee, and a book from his desk. He was quick on his feet, heading back to the conference room, sitting his coffee and book down, before gently turning to Samantha. He was fluid in his movement, which in turn shocked him.

He grasped her arm, lifting her up, and putting his hands under her knees, lifting her from the chair. She light, lighter than he remembered, he walked the few steps over to the couch in the room, laying her down. She murmured softly as he removed his arms, sliding his sweater over her shoulders, she turned ever so slightly, so the gun on her waist wasn't digging into her ribs. Reid mentally chided himself for not removing it, which he did once it was in his reach, putting it on the table next to his book. He bent down and did quick work of untying her combat boots and pulling them off. He glanced at her sleeping form before sitting in his chair and opening his book, silently wishing he read slower, so he didn't run out of material like he knew he would. Reid put his book down, standing and lightly jogging over to his desk and grabbed his portable chess set, and went back to the roundtable, and set it up, ready to play when he ran out of the books he normally kept at his desk. Grabbing his open book, he settled back, crossing his leg over the other, and sighed, glancing once more at the sleeping woman behind him. And slipped back to his book, and rolled his shoulders.

—

It was 4 in the morning when Samantha jolted away on the couch, her mind trying to process when she'd fallen asleep and how she ended up on the couch. The answer to the second became clear as she glanced around her. Reid was snoring softly, his head resting on his arms, at the table. Samantha stood, flexing her toes as she realized he must've taken off her shoes. She quickly padded over to him and took in everything an empty cup of coffee, 6 books, a small chest set in the middle of a game, and two guns. A silver Smith & Wesson 65 Revolver and a standard issued Glock that she knew was hers. Silently grabbing it and returning it to her holster, she took in the bright lights to the office outside of the dimly lit conference room, deciding not to slip her shoes on, she began the silent walk to the bathroom, and back within 10 minutes, and stopping by the coffee machine. Setting it up, she flipped in on, before pulling herself up to sit on the counter beside it.

Just before falling asleep, the BAU team had finally found a reliable suspect for the murders and constant horror that plagued Samantha for 14 years. And while it did nothing to ease the tension in her shoulders, it did ease her reeling mind some, she finally had someone to blame that wasn't herself. Her Ph.D. in psychology had saved her from constantly blaming herself for the actions of one crazy person, even if the actions had killed her family. Samantha was always very focused on school back then.

She never did anything to lead on or encourage a relationship with Jason Dalton. She knew she hadn't, when in college, her main focus was her school work, it was like that in high school. She had been bullied and harassed relentlessly in high school, her older siblings being apart of the jock/popular kids scene while she had been the nerd who focused solely on her education, no parties or sports, it didn't help much that she started high school at barely 10, and was too intelligent even than.

And now at the tender age of 34, she had no job, no home, no actual friends, was unmarried, and no children, which wasn't something she had planned for. She had had a plan. After joining the FBI, she would work there for a few years, meeting some intelligent guy at the bookstore or coffee shop, get married and leave the FBI once she had some kids. But while an official FBI agent, she wasn't apart of any division in the FBI, just some random agent with credentials and a gun, and wasn't even sure she wanted to be an Agent anymore, she had passed that part of her life, and everything it came with. Already having lived a life, rife with horror, gore, and death. It did disappoint her to no end, the route her life had taken when she had worked so hard to plan it out.

Samantha let out an annoyed sigh, as the coffee machine beeped, signaling it was done. She filled one cup, doing nothing to it, and another that had enough sugar to make her feel her own teeth rotting, she never understood how he drank it like that. She gently walked back to the conference room, sitting a cup in front of Reid and grabbing one of his books, sitting back down next to him. She wasn't sure when the rest of his team would return but knew there would be a press conference as soon as they got in. She wondered if it would be a good idea to have her involved, having her stand there would cause the suspect to make an appearance, but she wasn't sure what kind, stalkers like this were closer to being unpredictable than most because they were so willing to kill to get the attention for their object.

"You're awake?" Garcia whispered, appearing in the side door that led towards her office, Samantha nodded, before standing, sliding her boots on and motioning for Garcia to follow her back out the way she came.

"I don't know how long he's been asleep. I don't want to wake him." Samantha said, blowing on her coffee. "What are you doing here so early?"

"I'm always here early, mostly to get paperwork done, once JJ became an official profiler, Hotch and I split her job, so I handle a lot of the sorting and whatnot." Garcia explained, "while we aren't working on anything but your case now, it doesn't hurt to clear up some of the monstrous piles of case files."

"Maybe I can help until the rest of the team gets here?" Samantha offered, while a gentle smile. Garcia's eyes lit up and she nodded.

"We always look at the cases to see which one is in need first." She replied, leading Samantha down to her office.

Once in the office, Samantha sat on the floor, sliding her untied boots back off, and put them in the corner, as Garcia handed her a pile of files, sitting in front of Samantha on the floor. The tech analyst had worn a bright yellow and silver dress, that matched her blond hair, and paired the outfit with bright yellow heels, that she took off and sat under her desk.

"Alright so the way this works, is we go through the files and decide with the information given which case is in the direst. So if the cooling off period is short, or its mass killings, things of that nature." Garcia explained, and Samantha cocked a brow.

"You go through all these files and decide which one the team is needed at the most?" She asked the bubbly analyst.

"Yeah, Hotch and I split the job after JJ left, but after he left, we all kind of work on it, but I try to get a lot of it done before the team gets back in," Garcia explained, "Prentiss usually has the final say, as the Unit Chief."

"Why'd Hotch leave?" Samantha asked, looking at a file, before glancing up. "When I met him, he seemed to love his job, though his wife was pretty important."

"Well, his wife was murdered," Garcia supplied, Samantha's eyes widened in shock. "The Boston Reaper, George Foyet, killed her; Hotch killed him. But it wasn't until recently after the mass prison break-out, another Unsub, Peter Lewis or Mr. Scratch, who threatened Hotch and his son, did Hotch leave and decide not to come back."

"Jesus," Samantha added, feeling pity for the man who had tried so hard to help her. "Hotch was a good agent and a good man. It's horrible such darkness befell him."

"He was the best boss I've ever had." Garcia laughed and glanced at a file. None of the ones Samantha had looked at seemed all serious, mostly skeletons found in random graves, too old for it to be a current case.

"What about Gideon and Morgan?"

"Well, Gideon left the BAU after a few close calls. After a few years, he stumbled upon a very old case, one of his and Rossi's first ones and the Unsub got him, it was a very rough time, especially for Reid." Garcia explained, placing a file down and picking up another one.

"Shit." Samantha didn't even try to hide the heartache that bloomed in her chest. "Jason Gideon was a brave man, who had worked really hard for me." Not to mention, how his death had affected Reid.

"And Derek Morgan, my delicious chocolate thunder, left a little while ago after his wife had their baby boy."

"Woah, slow it down, Morgan got married?!" Samantha said, "He used to tell me stories of his playboy antics." She laughed, which was followed by Garcia's light laughter.

"I know, it shocked us all, and then she had a baby, but the danger and everything caused Morgan to leave the BAU, and focus on remodeling houses."

"That's right, we had talked about that. He had some interest but hadn't found a reason to make that kind of purchase. I'm glad he decided to do that." Samantha smiled.

"After 9/11, he did it, needing something to break and fix all at once," Garcia explained, laying down the final file. "Looks like most these files need to be sent down to our Cold Case department. See, pretty simple." Garcia finished, gathering up the files, and sitting them on a empty desk.

"And its only 6 am," Samantha laughed, looking at her empty mug. "I'm going to go grab a refill, I'll be right back." She added, and Garcia nodded, who stood and went to her desk. Samantha walked the way to the roundtable and looked in on Reid. Who was still passed out, one of his hands had dropped into his lap, and the silent room was filled with his soft snores. Samantha paused and brushed a piece of his hair from his face, her fingers trailing down his cheek, which he unconsciously leaned into.

"Maeve.."The name was whispered out from his lips, and Samantha froze. Maeve, Samantha didn't know the name and ripped her hand away from his face. Probably his girlfriend or wife. She thought softly and mentally scolded herself for assuming he had waited for her to return, of course, the handsome doctor had moved past his short time with her. She forced her legs to move back to the kitchenette and grabbed a cup of coffee, burning her heart-aching disappointment.While she, herself, had made an arrangement with Brandon Hill, a Marshall, to find comfort in each other, nothing ever came of that, and it was a random thing that rarely happened; her thoughts always moved back to the slender doctor she had lost her virginity to. She sighed as she went back to Garcia's lair, not blaming the good doctor for his choices, but hating herself for her own.

\----

Samantha hung out in Garcia's lair for another hour before Prentiss came into the room. She looked stressed but prepared to rule the world in the feminine navy blue suit. She was followed by Rossi and Simmons, who all looked equally as stressed, which sent a distinctive shiver up Samantha's spine.

"What happened?" Samantha's voice was hard, laced in ice. She had grown used to bad news and was prepared for it at all times by this point in her life.

"Marshall Conner never made it home last night, his wife called his office. Right now he is listed as a missing person, but we have a feeling that even that is giving this unsub too much credit." Prentiss replied, and Samantha took a deep breath.

"We have an idea." Rossi began before sliding the door shut behind Simmons. Garcia tensed up beside Samantha.

"What is it?" Samantha inquired, her eyebrow rising in curiosity. She knew about Rossi, had read his books, watch YouTube videos of him speaking to the public. She had a feeling she knew what his idea was.

"You attend the press conference," Simmons replied to her question. She knew it, they wanted her face on tv, so the unsub could see it, could see her, could associate her with the FBI instead of the Marshall's, which made sense, as she was still an FBI agent.

"You shut the door because you are concerned about Reid's response to this because he is protective of me, you brought in the unit chief because she needs to read my emotional state before signing off on this idea of yours. You are hoping, he will leave the Marshall alone and come after me, here at headquarters. You, Agent Rossi, are making a lot of assumptions on how he is going to act when he sees my face on TV." Samantha responded, absentmindedly, ignore the looks of realization on their faces. "As it was, I was going to suggest this idea myself when everyone got here. I figured just helping him realize I was back home, might lead him to make a mistake. However, I will not talk to the public or reporters or whatever. I am not trained in that, and I don't feel like dealing with those vultures."

"Understood. Get ready, the press conference is in 15 minutes, and its best that Reid is still asleep for it." Prentiss said, before leaving the room, and Samantha couldn't help but agree.

\---


	4. Rage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doctor Samantha Casey comes home one night after celebrating her successful joining the FBI, to find her large family of ten dead in their shared home. Using FBI status to fight for everything she believes and hopes for in her life, she finds the only kindred spirit that could possibly speak to her in the darkest time in her life, but will it be enough.
> 
> *I don't own Criminal Minds, but this is my original story, AND I worked hard, rewrote it 4 times, and it is published elsewhere. Enjoy.

Spencer Reid didn't get angry often, well usually he didn't. But he was fuming as he stood in at the roundtable, rewatching the earlier press conference that was performed while he slept. Emily spoke with confidence her head held high, but he couldn't take his eyes of the redhead positioned behind her, next to Rossi. Samantha stood silently in the background of the camera, acting as an FBI personnel, but he knew that her stalker had seen her, had drunk in the sight of her. She had changed out of her black top, and wore a light grey blouse, she'd probably borrowed from JJ, her hair was down, framing her face, but she wore her gun, badge and combat boots, looking every bit the agent she was.

And Spencer hated himself, he had nearly forgotten the Doctor, after everything that had happened in the last 14 years, he wasn't completely surprised but felt guilty. Samantha had been in Witness Protection for 14 years. That seemed like an eternity to Spencer. He glanced out the window, and saw the doctor, she spoke softly with Garcia, a gentle smile appearing, but it was still lifeless, he had only seen her really smile once, any night he saw her, locked in the safe house, she had given him a genuine smile, that had lit up the entire room, as she touched his shoulders. He quickly shook the memories away and turned to glare at Emily as she walked into the room.

"Stop it, Reid. She agreed." Emily said, rolling her dark eyes.

"She is in a vulnerable position Emily. It shouldn't have even been an offer." Reid responded, and frozen, he felt the ice-cold eyes on him.

"I am not vulnerable, Reid. Don't make assumptions about how I feel." Samantha's voice was cold as she spoke. "I'm tired. I've been fighting this for too long. I want it to be over, so I can have something akin to a life." Reid looked at her once she finished, and sighed.

"I just don't want you putting yourself in harm's way, Samantha." Reid replied.

"That isn't your concern." She responded. Garcia interrupted the conversation running in with her laptop.

"He's calling!" She shouted as the phone began to ring. Garcia quickly flicked on the phone, answering it on speaker.

"Samantha, it was so lovely to see your face again so soon." the male voice said over the speaker.

"I bet it was," Samantha muttered out, more to herself than the voice in the speaker.

"Why'd you run from me in California, I've missed you so much, sweetheart." The voice had turned soft like he was speaking to a child. " I just wanted to bring you home, we'll have to do some work, though, we'll need to bring that blond hair back, I'm not a fan of the red."

"Is that so?" She asked, her voice louder, finally speaking to him.

"Ah, I've missed that voice as well. When we are finally together again, I want you to sing to me and our future children. Where are those nasty agents keeping you? I'll come to pick you up." He spoke.

"I work with those 'nasty' agents, as you so aptly put it." Her response was gruff.

"I don't accept that no woman of mine will work such a dangerous job. Your job is to keep our home clean and give me children. You must follow your roles." His voice had grown angry.

"I worked hard to get here, Jason." She responded, finally saying his name.

"That is irrelevant, you shouldn't have. I had to punish you for that." He replied. "Your family paid for your inability to follow your role." Samantha felt tense. "You have much to be punished for."

"Like what?" She egged him on, her fingers gripping the back of the chair in front of her.

"You cheated on me, Samantha." He growled, and her eyes shot up, finally looking at the phone. He knew.

"I don't know what you mean." Her voice seemed to shrink in size.

"DO NOT LIE TO ME!" He yelled, his voice echoing in the room. "I saw you. That's right. I found you at that house, and watched you with him." Samantha's eyes went wide. But she couldn't resist and glanced at Reid. He held a shocked look on his face, realization dawning on his sharp features.

"I'm sorry, Jason," Samantha replied, trying to calm him down.

"Maybe I should grab that agent, he should be punished as well, for touching another man's property," Jason responded, his voice seemed to drift in thought.

"You will not touch him." Samantha growled, her fury boiling over. She knew everyone's eyes were on her, had figured out what had happened, and who Jason had meant, she wasn't going to deny it, she wasn't going to try and lie. It was true.

"I will do whatever I want, you are MINE." Jason was getting angry now, his rage attempting to match Samantha's.

"Like your father did whatever he wanted." Samantha sneered.

"You know nothing of my father." His rage vanished, and fear shook his voice.

"But I do. I know what he did to you, Jason. I know where he touched you, and how he touched you. I know everything." Samantha taunted, "I know why you hid it from me, it means your weak, you aren't man enough for me. You are broken, not good enough." Samantha growled, her fury now evident, and a cruel smile curled her lips. "That agent was, you didn't think I'd want you after finding out, did you? What a shame, could've saved you all this trouble."

"I'll just have to show you I am man enough. You will see, and you will want me." Jason was angry again.

"We shall see, Jason. Come and fucking get me." She responded, lifting the phone and hanging up. She felt her stomach lerch, she wanted to throw up. The things she said, were cruel even for her. She placed a shaky hand over her mouth, and walked directly out of the room, leaving the team to stare after her.

"Reid, are you the agent?" JJ asked, her curiosity playing along her features. He didn't respond right away, his eyes following Samantha as she walked towards the bathrooms.

"Yes." Was his only response.

"We need to know what happened." Emily grimaced, "So we know what he saw." Reid's eyes widened as he turned to look at his unit chief.

"We don't need details of the act, just..." Emily struggled to get words out, as she clenched and unclenched her hands. "You are a target, Reid."

"It was just a mutual understanding." He explained, his face turning red. "I was barely 22, as was she."

"She was your first?" JJ asked, and he gave a small nod.

"We had placed her in a safe house. We all spent time with her, Gideon just requested I spend more with her, our similar intellect and ages made it easy for us to talk. Gideon hoped I could help her with everything that was going on." Reid explained he could feel the heat rolling along his face and ears. "We just had a lot in common, and I don't know, it just happened, I was barely an official member of the FBI at the time, and she was in a bad place. I don't know.." He trailed off.

"Spence.." JJ trailed off, touch his arm. He shook his head and looked up at the ceiling. He knew she had seen it, or rather heard it. His own need to have answers about that night. He had been watched, and he wasn't sure how it was really affecting him having it out in the open, he had only told two people, one was Gideon and the other had been Morgan, years after it had happened.

"I don't know how he found us though," Reid added, looking at Emily. "It was an FBI safe house, so I don't know how he got access to that."

"I might have that answer," Garcia answered, her usual chipper voice softened, by the entrance of Samantha, she looked pale, and her blue eyes were rimmed in red.

"How, Garcia?" Her voice was delicate and soft as she took a seat at the roundtable, she clasped her hands together.

"Well, back then, the firewalls for the FBI weren't nearly as good as they are now, I've revamped them multiple times since then. But I still have my notes on the holes in the firewalls." Garcia explained and a code appeared on the screen behind her, she quietly highlighted a section of it.

"This code here was a hole. Back then we had quite a few of them, but this one made it so nearly anyone with basic hacking abilities could get through it. And Jason had decent abilities, he got an associates degree in computer science in college alongside his Art one." Garcia explained.

"Do you think the Marshalls had a similar hole in their system?" Emily asked.

"Not sure, but probably. The issue with the hole is that once inside the hole you can continually get inside, even if the hole is repaired. The only way to completely fix it is if you completely remove the flawed firewall and put a new one in its place, which I did after Elle was shot. And have done routinely since." Garcia finished.

"You are definitely something else, Garcia," Samantha said in a small voice, causing the tech analyst to light up with a smile.

"And he could've simply followed you to Bakersfield." Emily finished, the pieces silently falling into place. Samantha nodded, and put her head down on her arms, taking a breath. She was so tired.

"Hey Doc, you wanna come down to my lair with me?" Garcia asked, placing a soft hand on the redheads shoulders, and got a nod in response, she followed the brightly lit woman out of the roundtable room, down the hall to Garica's office.

"Want to talk about it?" Garcia asked as they sat down in the dim office.

"About what?" Samantha asked an eyebrow cocked in confusion.

"The phone conversation."

"Ah. About which part? Sleeping with Reid after my family's murder, or being cruel to my own stalker?" Samantha asked with a humorless chuckle.

"Either" Garcia replied. "No one judges you for either. When someone loses something as significantly as you did, they look for comfort in someone. Reid was someone who was like you before it went so bad." Her voice was gentle, "And you aren't the first person to lose their cool when dealing with an Unsub." She finished.

"Reid...he was special. He would make me forget about what was going on around me. He knew some much, and we could just lose ourselves in conversations. He would resight books for me, and it was like reading them all over again, without the eyestrain." Samantha smiled, her eyes looking at the wall. "He was just so gentle and sweet. It was easy for me to forget my life with him, and I took advantage of that, and put him in danger."

"But you also threatened for him. You didn't completely lose your cool until Jason said something about hurting Reid." Garcia added. "I doubt he sees it as you taking advantage of him. He probably thinks he took advantage of you."

"Probably. Even though he didn't. It was my idea, I started it with Reid." She added, and let out a sigh.

"Doesn't matter with Reid. He is a gentleman through and through, he'll take the blame. Even after everything he's been through." Garcia added, before placing a hand on Samantha's knee. "And when this is all over, you should look into what happened back then, and see where it leads you now."

"What?" Samantha asked, her eyes connecting with Garcia.

"I may not be a profiler, but I'm not naive, I see the way he looks at you, and I know if you let yourselves, you'd find something beautiful between you both. Just think about it." Gacia finished.

"I'm pretty sure his significant other would mind." Samantha responded.

"Reid doesn't have anyone," Garcia answered, and Samantha's eyes widened.

"But who is Maeve?" Samantha blurted out, wincing at the level of her voice.

"Uh... That's something you'd have to ask Reid, but she isn't a problem, Lady Genius." Garcia answered, her eyes wide.

"How can you be so sure, Garcia?"

"Because Maeve died, years ago." She responded, and leaned back in her chair. "Listen, Lady, whatever is eating at you, it will always eat at you. When my parents died, it ate me up inside, it still does. My parents were my everything." Garcia explained, looking at a fluffy pen, "And I only lost my parents, you lost everyone and its horrible and unforgivable and it was changed you, changed you from the 21-year old that was grieving when you met Reid, and it will change you every day. And you've been alone for so long, and that changes you too.

"But something I've learned in my 15 years in this job, at this desk, and with the things, I've seen and experienced..." She paused, taking in a breath, "Everything in this world changes you, it warps you. As beautiful as life can be, it can be dark and scary, especially when you face it on your own. You and Reid have faced a lot of your lives alone, even with family, you have faced things alone, being outcasts because of your intelligence. But when you find someone, even if you get separated for a while, and the connection is still there, you can't run from it. I don't think your family would want you too. But that's just my opinion, and I know you didn't ask for it, but I think you and Reid would be beautiful, and I think that if something beautiful could come out the darkness that has happened, both now and 14 years ago, then maybe it could help you heal."

Samantha didn't respond to Garcia for a while, just sitting in her chair, staring at the blond and she sighed, letting her head fall back. Silence filling the room as Garcia went back to her computer, letting Samantha's thoughts consume her mind. Garcia wasn't wrong, but Samantha had a hard time seeing something beautiful come into the world after all the darkness she had suffered. And things were never easy in life, something Samantha had learned a long time ago after experiencing her first bully. Staring at the grey ceiling of Garcia's lair was making her head hurt, so she shut her eyes but was plagued by the image of her little nephew, covered in blood, while Jason laughed mechanically over the body. Her blue eyes shot open, and she straightened in her chair. Pushing those old nightmares away, she focused on her situation, her possible future.

She had money, plenty of it, and a house, all left to her by her family, being the last living relative. She didn't see any point in ever keeping the house, knowing she wouldn't be able to sleep in her old room or use the adjoining bathroom to her younger sister's room.She could sell it, after having a cleaning crew run through it, and donate the clothes and such to some charity. The thought made her smile, her parents had always been advocates of donating to various charities in the country. She was sure she could find a respectable charity to donate the clothing too, maybe keep a few keepsakes if she could work up the courage to step into that house again. But if it came down to it, she was sure she could, she wrung her hands in her laps, looking over at Garcia who was furiously typing away, probably trying to get information on Jason Dalton.

"Garcia, how'd you find Dalton?" Samantha finally asked, her voice slightly hoarse.

"Well..." She smiled back at Samantha. "I hacked into the school admission files and ran a face recognition software I created, to locate his picture, once I had a name, I aged him by 14 years, as well as dug into his past and present, to see if any of his information lined up with yours, as well as looking at the original profile created back then, AND looked for possible stressors, that would explain for the guy to snap when he did." Garcia explained, "Than I dug into his family, as well. Mostly his mother, because his father had been in prison since Dalton was 12, so I didn't think he was relevant until Simmons said something."

"I think what you do Garcia, is amazing. And really brave." Samantha supplied, looking at the blond who blinked in surprise. "You stare at terrible things every day, and you dig deep into people's lives, and try to figure out everything you can. You are probably the most interesting person I've ever met." Samantha smiled, getting a smile from Garcia as they fell back into a comfortable silence.


	5. Vengeance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doctor Samantha Casey comes home one night after celebrating her successful joining the FBI, to find her large family of ten dead in their shared home. Using FBI status to fight for everything she believes and hopes for in her life, she finds the only kindred spirit that could possibly speak to her in the darkest time in her life, but will it be enough.
> 
> *I don't own Criminal Minds, but this is my original story, AND I worked hard, rewrote it 4 times, and it is published elsewhere. Enjoy.

Samantha didn't realize her grave mistake on confronting Jason Dalton until two hours later when Prentiss and Reid came into Garcia's office. The looks on their faces reminded her that snapping off at Dalton was a bad simply because he might've had Connor. And by the looks on the agent's faces, Dalton had taken his anger out for her, on Connor. Once again, in a single day, she felt sick to her stomach. This time, it WAS her fault. She shouldn't have egged him on. She had taken off her coat, and sat in the chair in her black pants and shirt, her shoes off and in a corner. She wanted to run but knew she couldn't.  
"This one is on me, I know that." Samantha supplied, focusing hard on controlling the tremor in her voice.  
"No, it's not," Prentiss added, her voice stern.  
"No offense, Agent, but it is. I'm supposed to look at this objectively, as an agent. But I let that bastard get to me, I let him get under my skin. He killed Connor to punish me. He took his anger for me out on the Marshall." Samantha replied, standing, her head high, but her legs shaky. "I will take that blame. Don't try to brush it off like that. I shouldn't have taunted him as I did. I played directly into his hands, I reacted."  
"Samantha.." Reid began, but Samantha held up her hand.  
"Don't, Spencer." Her voice quivered, but he stopped, his eyes wide at the use of his first name. "I know the deaths of my family weren't my fault, I know the deaths of the Marshall's weren't my fault. Those were his, but this one..this one is mine."  
"Doc," Garcia whispered, drawing Samantha's eyes. She sighed.  
"It's okay, Garcia," Reid whispered, he looked at his two coworkers, and they silently vacated the office, leaving the two doctors along.  
"Please, don't," Samantha begged, her voice breaking softly.  
"Samantha, look at me." He whispered, grasping her wrist again. She glanced down at it.  
"For 14 years, I've remembered that feeling." She whispered, "the feeling of your fingers wrapped around my wrist. I must've memorized back then." She felt his fingers tighten, and she looked up to his face.  
"I've remembered every feeling from those nights with you." He replied, his eyes boring into her. "This really isn't your fault. No, don't interrupt me for a second." He stopped her as she opened her mouth.  
"This is not your fault. This is on Dalton. Every choice he makes is on him. I don't care what he said to you during that phone call, or what you said to him, but this isn't on you. He made the choice to kidnap someone, he made the choice to kill him." Reid whispered, looking at her, his words were rolling within her head, and she sighed. "I will not allow you to take this blame onto yourself."  
"Jesus, Spencer." She laughed, leaning her head on his shoulder. She couldn't help herself, despite 14 years, she still felt the same attraction to him as before. Her photographic memory made it impossible for her to forget him, forget anything about him. He released her wrist and wrapped his arms around her small frame and she let him envelop her in his warmth.  
"I'm here for you, Samantha. I know you or I am not the same people we were back then, but I will always be here for you, from now on." He whispered against her hair. She clenched his shirt this time, and took a deep breath, she felt her heart skip, and she pulled back slightly, to look at him. Her hand traveling up his chest around his neck to his cheek.  
"I know that, Spencer." She responded and pulled his face down to hers, letting her lips touch his in the briefest of touches. And she nearly felt her self-control snap, but she reeled herself in and pulled away from his lips. "We should join the others." She whispered, detangling herself from his arms, and grabbing her shoes, she walked to the door and opened, letting herself out with him on her tail, silent as he followed.  
——  
At 5:37 pm, Jason Dalton called the tip hotline again, much like he had earlier that morning, this time Samantha refused to speak in response to his voice. She would not egg him on, or make him hurt someone else, she was prepared this time, sitting in Reid's chair, his hand on her shoulder as the phone rang. Garcia answered it and place it on speaker, but the voice that came out wasn't his. It was distorted, but a gentle voice filled the office, a voice singing a song of love. Samantha's reaction was violent, her hand reaching up and grasping Spencer's. It was her voice, but the next voice was what stopped her heart. It didn't speak, but it was obviously a woman, and she was sobbing.  
"Sammy, are you there?" The voice sobbed out and Samantha gasped, only one person ever called her that besides her dad.  
"Sarah?" Samantha choked out, she felt Spencer's hand tighten on her shoulder, anchoring her and she had never been so grateful for him.  
"Sammy, I'm so sorry. I saw you on the tv and wanted to see you, but he" She sobbed, "he grabbed me on my way to the FBI building." She started coughing roughly. "Sammy... I don't want to die."  
"Sarah, it's okay, it'll be okay," Samantha responded.  
"What did I saw about lying, sweetheart?" Dalton's voice took over the room, Samantha glanced at Garcia who was trying to track the phone.  
"Don't hurt her, Jason. She has nothing to do with this." Samantha pleaded, she couldn't be responsible for Sarah's death. Sarah who had been so kind and caring to her. Sarah who had helped her plan her life, who had always supported her.  
"But she has everything to do with you," Dalton replied.  
"Jason, please, don't." She begged, and took a breath.  
"Then we should finally have our night together, to start our lives as we should've all those years ago." And then the line went dead, but Samantha couldn't seem to catch her breath, she panted and kept repeatedly squeezing Spencer's hand.  
"Garcia, please tell me you got a trace on him," Prentiss demanded, but Samantha didn't hear the response as Spencer, turned her chair, he knelt in front of her, taking her face into his hands, her sight couldn't focus on him, as she struggled. But she reached out nonetheless for him. She slipped out of the chair, her knees hitting the carpeted floor. He pulled her close to him as she sobbed. Her heart-shattering sobs.  
Before the last few days, he'd held her once before while she sobbed, she had woken from a nightmare, and she had woken him with her crying. And he had awkwardly held her then, but now, he knew differently, and confidently lend her his strength. He didn't hear much of the conversation around him, as he gently maneuvered his arms around Samantha to lift her from the ground and he walked back to the couch, letting her silently cry into his chest. He felt rage burn in his gut, at the pain she went through. He silently watched as Prentiss closed the blinds to the room, and his team members exited, leaving him alone, once again, with Samantha.  
"Spencer, I need..." she began, but her coughing stopped her.  
"What do you need, Samantha?" He asked his voice light and cautious.  
"I need out of this place. I know I shouldn't leave, but I need out of here. Please, get me out of here." Her voice was fragile as she spoke against his chest. He couldn't help himself, he nodded against her head. She moved from his chest and slipped her shoes on. She grabbed her bag, and waited, praying that Prentiss would somehow let her out of here. Spencer returned, slipping his sweater on.  
"Emily said I could bring you to my apartment, as long as we take the back entrance, one of the SUV's, and two backups. She called downstairs, and sent Johnson and Rivers ahead." He finished and offered her his hand, which she took graciously. "Garcia wasn't able to trace the call completely. She was only able to pinpoint that he's here in Arlington, but not a septic point, the call wasn't long enough." Spencer explained that he lead her down to the back entrance to the garage, and to a black car. She slipped into the passenger seat silently, waiting for him.  
"He'll call again." Was all she could get out. He reached over and grabbed her hand as he started to drive. It was short, which was probably why Prentiss agreed at all. Spencer lived relatively close to Headquarters. He led her silently up to his apartment steps and into an apartment building. When he opened the door, letting her in, she couldn't find herself surprised, the room was articulately messy, but in a good way, with books littering every surface as well as the walls. She didn't see a TV, just a couch and a coffee table. It was simple and totally Spencer. He set her bag on his kitchen counter and rubbed his hands on his legs, awkwardly.  
"Coffee?" He asked, his voice small, and she nodded, which spurred him into action.  
"Can I, uh, use your shower?" She asked, tentatively, "I haven’t showered in 4 days, and I could really use one." His eyes widened, and he nodded. He set the coffee pot on, and grabbed her bag, leading her to a door.  
"Bathrooms in there, take your time." He spoke softly, touching her arm. She opened the door as she took her bag from him. And gave him a soft smile. Before letting the bathroom door shut, in the darkness of his bathroom, she felt herself shudder. She knew what had to be done. She flipped the light on and turned on the shower. She silently stripped, before sliding into the boiling hot shower, letting it wash over herself. She knew what she was doing, and she would hate herself later, but she had to do something. She zoned out as she let the water pour over her. Unaware of Spencer pacing his kitchen floor. Something was going on, he could feel it. But what, he wasn't sure.  
Spencer checked his watch again and deemed it okay to go change. He had wanted to wake until Samantha was at least in the shower, but had lost himself in his thoughts for longer then he expected. He slipped silently past the bathroom and into his bedroom. He placed his phone on his nightstand and quickly changed. He was buttoning up his clean pants when the phone rang, he reached over and answered it without checking.  
"Dr. Reid." He answered unconsciously.  
"Pretty boy." Derek Morgan's deep voice sent a comforting feeling down his spine.  
"Morgan, is everything alright?" Spencer asked, suddenly worried.  
"On my end? Yeah. But a little birdie told me, you might need to chat." He responded over the phone.  
"Garcia?" Spencer questioned and heard the deep chuckle from Morgan.  
"You know it. So, talk to me, kid. How is she?"  
"I'm assuming you mean, Samantha?" Spencer replied, sitting on his bed, running a hand through his hair. He could still hear the shower running, so he relaxed.  
"Yeah, tell me what's going on? And I don't mean with the case." Spencer inwardly groaned.  
"Derek, I don't know what you mean."  
"Are your feelings for her the same as they were 14 years ago?" Morgan's voice held none of its usual light tone.  
"I think so. But things are different now, we aren't the same people as we were before."  
"Yeah, you are. The connection you two had wasn't based on your life experiences but on your intellectual ones. The intelligence you two shared, will always connect you. But I understand your hesitation, she is going through a really hard time, but" Morgan paused, "when this is over when the asshole is caught and dealt with, Samantha will need someone like you to help her find her place, kid."  
"Maybe so, Derek, we'll see when it's over." Spencer trailed off.  
"Just don't let her shut you out. Okay?"  
"Okay. Listen, I have to go check on her, I'll talk to you later. Give Hank and Savannah my love." He finished and hung up. He stood, slipping his phone in his pocket. He walked to the bathroom and knocked gently. He got no response and knocked harder, and the door softly opened, the shower was still on, but the room was empty. Her black bag was on the floor, and a note was set on the counter.  
Spencer, I'm sorry, but I need to finish this. When I come back, I hope you'll forgive me. And maybe we can talk about those nights at the safe house. Tell your team that I'm so thankful, but I can't let your family get hurt because of me. I can't let YOU be hurt because of me. I have to go back to where it began. More than anything, thank you, Spencer, for being here for me.  
With love, Samantha.  
Spencer stared at the note before launching himself out of the bathroom, his front door was cracked and the apartment empty except for him. He pulled his phone out and dialed as he ran out of his building, trying to figure out what she meant.  
——  
She had figured it out. Dalton had intentionally let it slip, at first her thoughts had gone to the bar, but she quickly scratched that. But the one place that would hold the appropriate meaning. She knew it was a whim, that she could be completely wrong, but she had to follow her instincts. If Killian taught her anything, it was to always trust her instincts. She had taken the back exit out of Spencer's apartment to avoid the other agents, and slipped onto the city bus, a bus route she knew well, would drop her off a block away from her destination. When she got off, she adjusted her sweater and pulled her hood tight over her head as she walked down the residential area she still knew well.  
She paused at a tree, and looked forward, hiding herself in the shadows as she watched the house across the street. She felt her gun at her lower back, and the pocket knife tucked into her boots. The House was dark and silent, but she knew it. It was her home, left to her in her father's will, and she still owned it. But it wasn't empty, the family furniture and pictures still littered the entire place. She missed the house so much, she missed her life. She was thankful for the lack of street lights, something her mother had always hated. But she froze as she saw a soft light flick on in the front room of her old house. She made her movement quick, as she ducked down and ran across the street, hiding in a shrub as she silently inched her way closer to the house. She peeled into a window. There on the floor was an older version of Sarah Young, she wore casual jeans and a black top, her face was bruised and bloody, and her hands tied behind her back. She saw the shadow of a man walking around the front room.  
Samantha was quick to duck down, and creep towards the back, she knew which parts of the house made the most noise, and how to slip in and out undetected, having down it with her siblings multiple times before. She slipped into the backyard and saw that the tree was still in a perfect position. She was silent as she climbed it and inched herself along the largest branch, before pushing the bathroom window open, it slides silently up, letting Samantha quietly slip in. The next issue was her shoes, not the best for tiptoeing around a hardwood house. She pulled them off, slipping the knife into her pocket, and placing the shoes in the bathtub, taking a deep breath.  
Now inside she could hear the soft crying from Sarah, she glanced to both sides, glancing at the two doors, one opened to her old room, the other to her sister's. This was the tricky party, while her own door would make a slight noise, she wasn't sure Sarah's cry would cover, she wasn't sure she could walk through her sister's room. But she'd have too. She slid her gun from its place at her back, and pulled the door open, keeping her steps on the front of her feet, she slipped into the room, and quickly out the other door. She was on the second-floor landing with no sight line of Dalton, but she could see Sarah.  
"Stop crying." His voice seemed deeper in person, more menacing. He still wasn't in a good position for Samantha to take a shot. She kept her feet light as she walked towards the backstairs that would lead into the kitchen, keeping her out of his sight. She slipped the first step, knowing it creaked, and continued downward, slipping the second to last as well. She was in the dark kitchen and squared down, her knees silently popping, and she grimaced, before beginning her silent walk, to the second door, that would open into the dining room that opened into the front room, it would be easiest to slip into the dinning room and hiding. She had hidden in that room dozens of times growing up, and neither of her siblings would find her. She was quick, checking her side view spotting him as she slipped under the dark dining room table, with her black clothes and dark hair, she would be even hard to spot, but she could easily pose her gun to look into the front room. The space between the seat and back of the chair giving her enough space to aim when she had the shot. She just had to wait for it. Sarah laid on the floor, facing away from Samantha.  
"I thought she'd be here by now. Those agents must be holding her, or she just doesn't care." Dalton's voice was menacing and Samantha knew it would haunt her for a long time. She kept her aim and waited for him to move into her line of sight.  
"Fuck you" Sarah growled out through her sobs, and received a kick to her back for it. And Samantha nearly gave her position away out of anger. But held steady, taking deep, calm breaths as she was trained. It was a waiting game now, she had to wait for him to move into position while he waited for her to show, not knowing that she was already in the house. Finally he walked into her line of sight and she had a perfect shot to his back, while she knew it was cowardly, she didn't have much choice, she was quick to pull the trigger, the bang erupted followed both by his shout and Sarah's screaming. Dalton fell like slow motion to the floor, his open gun slipping from his hand, as he landed. Samantha was quick on her feet, slipping out from under the table and kicking the gun away from his reach.  
"My beautiful Samantha." He whispered, trying to hold his consciousness. Her aim had been deliberate. She aimed for his spine and knew she missed his heart. She reached into her other pocket, pulling out the phone Garcia had given her, turning it on. She dialed the 3, and put it on speaker, keeping her eyes trained on Dalton, she holstered her gun, and pulled her knife, and began cutting the bindings on Sarah, when Emily answer.  
"Prentiss."  
"Hey there agent," Samantha said with a humorless chuckle.  
"Casey, where the hell are you? Reid is driving himself nuts,-" Emily was getting ready to rant, she knew that tone.  
"Prentiss, send two buses to my old house. Dalton has been shot, and Sarah is unconscious. You might want to hurry, can't promise he won't bleed out." Samantha finished, hanging up the phone, as she checked Sarah's pulse and found it steady. She already knew full well what she was going to hear when they got to her. But there was only one person she cared to talk to and that was Spencer. What she had done to him, playing on his emotion for her to get what she wanted, was wrong. The thought of slipping out hadn't actually come to her until they reached his apartment. When her emotions had finally balanced out and she could think about the call with Dalton. She glanced over to him, noting the small growing pool of blood forming below him, but she refused to get close. But she did hear the sound of sirens growing closer, she knelt next to Sarah, her eyes on Dalton, as she heard brakes screech in front of the house, and suddenly people were everywhere.  
Local police, FBI, and EMT's were everywhere. EMT's were taking Sarah and Dalton, the local cops following, and FBI processing the scene. Prentiss was on top of it, giving orders, and Samantha simply stood off to the side, waiting. When the unit chief finally walked over to her, the look on her face nearly said it all, there was relief, anger, worry and, pride all over her face. She motioned to the door and led the way outside.  
"I made Reid stay at the office with Rossi and Alvez. JJ and Simmons are with the Marshall's, Garcia found information of where Dalton had been hiding." Prentiss explained and ran a hand through her dark hair. "What you did was completely reckless. But I don't judge you for it. I've done it." And Samantha arched an eyebrow. "A long time ago, I did what you did. As did Morgan, Gideon, and Hotch. We do what we have to, to protect the ones we care about."  
"Sarah had always been like family to me.." Samantha started, pausing. "And Spencer, he means a lot to me, and you guys mean the world to him. I couldn't let you all put yourselves at risk, simply because Dalton wanted to punish me."  
"I understand, but now you have some obligations." Prentiss started. "Spencer is a good and honest man, so you need to think of how you'll fix this with him. I know you both care about each other. Open up, talk with him, it WILL help. And figure what you want to do. I spoke to the Director, if you want to stay with the FBI he'll make it happen, but I won't recommend you for the BAU, because of your relationship with Reid. Not because I don't think you'd be a good addition." Prentiss responded, handing her a set of keys. "I like you, Casey, just don't hurt him." She said turning away.


	6. Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doctor Samantha Casey comes home one night after celebrating her successful joining the FBI, to find her large family of ten dead in their shared home. Using FBI status to fight for everything she believes and hopes for in her life, she finds the only kindred spirit that could possibly speak to her in the darkest time in her life, but will it be enough.
> 
> *I don't own Criminal Minds, but this is my original story, AND I worked hard, rewrote it 4 times, and it is published elsewhere. Enjoy.

Samantha arrived at the FBI within minutes of her conversation with Emily. She sat in the large black SUV in silence, even though her mind was roaring at her. She was free, it was done. But how many people had to be hurt and killed for her freedom. She leaned her head against the steering wheel and sighed heavily. Once again she was reminded of the darkness that would loom over her life. She felt tears, once again, welling up in her eyes, but she forced them down. She had cried more in the last 50 hours then she had in her life. She pushed herself out of the car, and walked towards the garage entrance, as the door flew open, coming face to face with Spencer. His hair was a mess, sweater unbuttoned, and he looked ragged. She opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't as he hurried pulled her into his arms, squeezing her.  
"You scared the hell out of me." He whispered into her hair. His arms were wrapped around her waist, allowing her to wrap her own around his shoulders, after a second of hesitation, she ran a hand into his hair.  
"I'm sorry for doing that." She responded, it was instant, the way he let her go and backed away. A look of hurt crossed his features. "Spencer, I had too. I know what I did was completely cruel, but I had to end this." She supplied, and he held up his hand.  
"I know that. I've done this job for a long time, and sometimes the rules can't always be put in place. A couple of years back, when Hotch lost his wife, I remember thinking that if there was anyone I cared for as much as that, I do the same as him." Spencer supplied, but Samantha was slightly confused, cocking her head slightly.  
"The Boston Reaper attacked and killed Hitch's wife, and was going to kill his son, but Hotch went in there alone and killed him," Spencer added, Garcia had already told Samantha this.  
"Morgan and Emily did similar things. But this, what you did, reminded me of something that happened. And suddenly I was horrified. Until the other morning, I had nearly forgotten our time together. It was my first case, it was 14 long years ago, and since then I've been kidnapped, held hostage, lost the woman I loved, been shot, been drugged, been arrested, and lost people I care about." Spencer explained, his admission had hurt Samantha a bit. He'd forgotten her when she had never forgotten him. "But the moment I heard your name, everything came back in a rush of memories. And when I saw your picture and then you, I was overwhelmed. I didn't understand how I could've forgotten you, because my feelings for you had been real and potent.  
"I had missed you so badly after you had left, I had missed our talks and having someone who understood me as you had. You had been my first, and that meant something to me. It still means something to me, you still mean something." Spencer paused for a breath, before adding, "and I was horrified that I was going to lose you."  
"Damn, Spencer," Samantha said when she was sure he was finished. "I don't blame you for forgetting me. I had so much time to myself, some nights I'd replay our time together in my head." Samantha admitted, "but I tried to move past you, I sleep with a Marshall, we had made an agreement, and it worked. I wasn't always feeling so alone. But that's all it was, I was alone. I always had guards but I was still alone. I had no one to connect with, to really talk too. Like I had when I was with you, and that was okay.  
"When I saw you at the roundtable, I couldn't allow myself to dwell on those emotions though, but you are persistent." She chuckled, but the smile fell from her lips. "I need time, though. To figure out if I can be what you need me to be. Because I'm not sure if I can be." She finished, going to turn but he stopped her, pulling her to him and placing his lips on hers. She was suddenly flashed back to that night in the safe house.  
She had straddled Spencer and kissed him hard, he had been hesitant then, but had returned the kiss with just as much passion, when he had lifted her and taken her to bed, their instincts taking over at that moment. But now, 14 years later, there was no hesitation on his lips, but fierce emotion, as he nipped her lower lip, burying his hands in her hair, pulling her close to him. He wasn't gentle with his kiss, as he had somehow moved her to the SUV, pressing her against the car and she shivered as the cool feeling of the car ran up her back. She caved at that, letting her mouth open as his tongue found its way into her mouth, before stopping and pulling himself away.  
"You are exactly what I need, Samantha Casey. If you need time to figure out what you want to do, who you want to be, that's fine. But you are what I need, and you are what I want." He said, his breathing heavy as he turned and walked back towards the office. "You know where to find me, Samantha." And he left her, flustered standing alone in the parking garage, thoughts and images running through her head. At first, her heart began to ache until it dawned on her, he was giving her the chance to figure out her life, on her own. She realized at that moment, that when she figured herself out, she'd come to find him, she wanted to be with him, she wanted him to love her. And at that moment, to have something to spur her on was enough. She watched him as he walked back into the office, wishing she had remembered to ask him about Maeve, she figured it could wait until she found herself.  
"Thank you, Spencer Reid." She whispered, and ran a hand through her hair, going to turn but stopped at the image of someone.  
"Well, well, I thought you had retired, Derek Morgan" Samantha said with a smile, walking over to the tall, dark-skinned man. He chuckled and tossed an arm around her shoulder.  
"You know, pretty lady, I did. But I had to see you for myself." He said, leading her over to his car, where a lovely woman stepped out of the passenger seat, holding a baby. "Savannah, this is Dr. Samantha Casey; Samantha this is my wife, and my boy Hank." Morgan introduced them.  
"I've heard quite a lot about you, Doctor," Savannah said, with a beautiful smile.  
"I hope I impressed," Samantha said, with a grin. "What are you guys doing here?" She asked.  
"Taking you for dinner, pretty lady," Derek said, with a laugh, opening the back door for her. Samantha slid in, as Derek took Hank and buckled him into his car seat.  
The drive was quick, going to a diner not too far from Headquarters, the three adults slipping from the car, Derek grabbing the car seat with Hank in it. Entering the diner was like walking into a bustling kitchen, the smell was euphoric for Samantha and her stomach growled. She had rated much in the last few days, just things from a vending machine which she was used to doing, but a real meal sounded glorious. She followed Savannah as she picked a booth a little bit away from most of the customers, and they all sat. Savannah next to Hank and Derek next to Samantha. They quickly ordered drinks, coffee all around, and Samantha ordered a stack pancake, while Derek and Savannah order some large breakfast meal to share. It was silent as the coffee was brought to them.  
"So..." Samantha began, breaking the quiet around them. Derek looked at her with his charming grin, while Savannah smiled, focusing on Hank.  
"What's your plan, kid?" Derek asked, straight to the punch.  
"Always been straightforward, Derek." Samantha laughed softly. "I don't know. Emily mentioned something about a lawyer, to see if I still have access to my financials." She shrugged.  
"And the house?" Derek asked, quizzically.  
"Sell. I don't have a need for something so large. Once the police are done with it, I'll probably go in and remove anything I want to keep, but I don't actually want it, never wanted it, honestly." Samantha supplied, shrugging her shoulders, she thought about it multiple times over the years, what she'd do if this finally ended.  
"And work?" Savannah finally spoke up, barely pulling her attention from Hank.  
"I'm not sure. I don't know if I even want to stay with the FBI, the Director said he'd find me a place if I wanted it, but I'm not sure I still do." Samantha answered after a few moments, and it was the truth. When Emily had told her about the Director outside her house, she realized it wasn't what she wanted anymore. She wasn't sure if she had ever really wanted it in the first place. “I’m thinking something without so much, doom/gloom and danger.”  
"So what's next for you, kid?" Derek finally asked after he laughed.  
"Well, I'll go see my family's lawyer tomorrow. I have enough cash on me for a room at a hotel. Then maybe apartment hunt, before going back to my family's house. Then," she paused as the food was laid out in front of them. "Shopping, I don't have much in the way of clothes or anything really." She finished digging into the food. There was silence as they ate, no more asked questions. When Samantha ate all that she could, she leaned back against the booth and took a sip of her coffee.  
"And Reid?" Derek asked, suddenly bringing light to what he was probably here for.  
"I knew there was a reason I got to see you, a blond birdie told me you two had gotten close in the last 14 years." Samantha chuckled. "Reid has given me a chance to figure out what I have to do to get myself settled. He, uh, well, he was quite adamant about it.." she trailed off, her mind going to the kiss he had given her. She felt her face heat up, slightly. But she flashed a soft smile and focused on her coffee.  
“Listen, pretty lady, Reid is a quiet guy, and he’s been through hell.” Derek began, but she held her hand up.  
“Derek, I know. I’ve gathered a lot of information in the last 48 hours. I know about what he has suffered, maybe not exact details, but I know who he is because deep down, he is still that sweet guy who stole my breath from those years.” Samantha supplied, “Garcia already gave me the spew.”  
“Of course, she did.” Savannah laughed, as she fed Hank a bottle.  
“She is so much different from when I met her and is a breath of fresh air.” Samantha laughed, and everyone joined in, even Hank who gurgled around his bottle.  
“Now, a question, my dear friend, Derek,” Samantha began, “what is with you and Garcia?” And he looked at her confused. “The nicknames, man. She was calling me Lady Genius and Reid, Boy Wonder. And you have been calling me pretty lady, what do you call Reid?”  
“Pretty boy.” Savannah laughed, “And Penelope is Baby Girl, while Derek is Chocolate Thunder.”  
“Oh Jesus, you two are ridiculous.” Samantha laughed, as Derek shook his head and left the table to pay the bill, and on his return shook his head again at the sight of both Savannah and Samantha laughing, until it turned slightly different for the redhead, and tears sprung to her eyes, her hand going over her mouth, as a sob ripped its way from her throat.  
“Oh, sweetheart.” Savannah sighed, her hand going to her heart, as she looked at her husband, who ran a hand over his face and nodded at his wife, who grabbed the carrier and left the diner. Derek slid back into the booth and wrapped strong arms around the young doctor. His hand touching her head, as he rocked her.  
“Shhhh… I know..” He whispered against her head. She’ll be okay, and he knew his little brother would help her.


	7. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doctor Samantha Casey comes home one night after celebrating her successful joining the FBI, to find her large family of ten dead in their shared home. Using FBI status to fight for everything she believes and hopes for in her life, she finds the only kindred spirit that could possibly speak to her in the darkest time in her life, but will it be enough.
> 
> *I don't own Criminal Minds, but this is my original story, AND I worked hard, rewrote it 4 times, and it is published elsewhere. Enjoy

One year later...

Samantha paced outside, the lights of the large backyard, setting an ominous tone. She looked back up at the mansion. David Rossi knew how to live in style, his house was large, full of antiques for his long life, and at the moment, only her, Rossi and Garcia were on the property. Well she stood in the back, looking at the way the moon seemed to light the sky and house in an iridescent glow.

A week ago, she'd gotten a call from the older gentleman, inviting her to dinner. She hadn't known the specifics till she arrived. It was their annual 'family' dinner of the BAU, and Spencer would be there. She had felt herself become a bundle of nerves, which she still felt now, and a hand ran through her finally natural color, before patting down her dress and rolling her shoulders in an attempt to loosen the tension she could feel building there. 

Once Samantha had met with the lawyer, handling her financial situation, her first goal was settling herself in, and rented out a two bedroom apartment, and getting her hair fixed, the red had only been a way to hide, and now she could enjoy her natural blond hair that was so much like her mother's. She let out a heavy sigh, unsure of the emotions flowing through her. 

Her therapist insisted she always take stock of them, and acknowledge what each made her feel; but she couldn't sort them all out. She wanted to see Spencer, like really wanted too. But she wasn't sure how he felt. After they kissed, her dinner with Derek, she hadn't heard or seen anything of him for a year. Well, eleven months, 3 weeks and 2 days, to be completely exact. She looked up at the sky, and didn't see the person slip out of the back door to watch her. 

"I didn't think you'd actually be here." His voice was like a shock to her system, causing Samantha to whip around to face him. The flats she wore making a slight squeak on the ground. She rubbed her hands on the skirt of her sundress. 

"Spen..Spencer..." Samantha stuttered out, her hand on her chest. 

"Garcia let it slip that Rossi had invited you, but I wasn't sure you'd actually come." He said, walking towards her. He wore black slacks, his usual cardigan over a button up, his converse barely making a noise. He'd cut his hair since she last seen him, it was styled in a messy on purpose way. He looked devastatingly handsome. She struggled to catch her voice. 

"You look good, Samantha." He said, his eyes devouring her at his distance. "I'm glad you dyed your hair back, I like the blond much more." He whispered, reaching out and letting a strand curl around his fingers. She shivered, as she watched his movements. 

"Cat got your tongue, Samantha?" He stepped forward, leaning his face to eye level with her. The glass door behind him opened up and he leaned away, letting the hair fall from his fingers and turned, facing Rossi who looked at them with a knowing look. 

"Dinner is ready, you two." He said, motioning them forward. Both of them followed, her already cold fingers brushed against his warm hand, and her heart seemed to skip. She held her breath as they walked back inside. She was welcomed with hugs from JJ, Tara and Emily, who gushed at her appearance. She had filled out, no longer stick and bones but a healthy weight, closer to her weight back before witness protection. Her dress, which was a deep blue, seemed to compliment her, as Emily had said. The gentlemen in the room, complimented her, but Rossi had interrupted to usher everyone to the table. Spencer picking his seat next to her. The food was served and devoured with light conversation.

Samantha nearly jumped out of her seat when Spencer draped a casual arm over the back of her chair as he leaned forward, lost in conversation with Tara. Samantha chose not to linger on it, and pointedly ignored the looks from Rossi and Garcia. She had spoken on occasion to the both of them, Rossi offering her accounting help and then giving her a number to a really good accountant, as well as helping sell her parents house, she'd given the proceeds to charity, simply not needing or wanting the money, which Rossi approved of. He had done her the kindness of not mentioning Spencer whenever they spoke; Garcia on the other hand was a different story, they had gone out, Garcia helping her shop and settle back into town, helped her apartment hunt and job search, landing her a job at a local bookstore, not too far from her apartment. While as helpful as she had been to Samantha, she asked about Spencer or spoke about him regularly, mostly of updating sort, but she asked when Samantha would reach out, how she felt, things of that matter. Not that Samantha had had much along the way of answers, mostly. 

However, the trouble always was her emotions. She had learned that she suffered from Alexithymia, while not a clinical disorder, still explained her emotion detachment, because of everything that had happened. Her therapist had begun to work on reattaching Samantha with those emotions, reminding her of the benefits to letting herself feel, and in that process she had learned that she probably loved Spencer Reid, but admitting it out loud was different, especially to Spencer, or anyone but her therapist. While lost in her thoughts, everyone had finished eating and had started exiting the house, heading home. Rossi leaving the prone Samantha and tense Spencer alone in the dining room. 

"You haven't spoken much, Samantha." He finally whispered, still leaning forward, not removing his arm from the back of her chair. 

"Not sure what to say." She finally responded, and he seemed to relax a small bit. 

"You can say anything you want." He supplied. "How have you been?" He asked, finally turning to look at her. He looked incredible in the dimly lit room, resting his head on his hand to look at her, his deep brown eyes probing. 

"I've been okay. Seeing a therapist." She supplied, with a shrug, crossing her legs. 

"Really?" He seemed shocked.

"Yes, even with my PhD, I couldn't look at my own issues objectively, so i got a therapist. She had been a great help. Garcia and Rossi have been as well." She finished, and didn't miss the brief look of hurt that glazed his eyes, though it vanished just as fast as it appeared. 

"I'm glad you've had help." His voice seemed strained and he closed his eyes, and she let her impulses take over, she silently moved forward, and pressed her lips to his gently. His eyes flew open, at the touch, but kissed her back. Removing his arm from her chair, he buried it in her hair. She broke the kiss with a sigh and his hand stayed in the thick hair, soaking in the soft curls. 

"I wasn't sure if I was ready to see you. I wasn't sure if I could handle it. I needed to center myself, and figure out how to be anyone." She answered, "I had to find myself." She reaches up and caressed his cheek. "I went to Rossi for help managing the amount of money I suddenly had access too, and he helped me sell my parents house. He was really just advising me. He called me up after a week, and offered." She smiled, rubbing her thumb along his cheek bone. 

"Garcia was a bit different, she showed up at my hotel room, after a few days, and took me out. She helped me find an apartment, and find a job. But she talked about you everyday." Samantha laughed, and saw his eyes widened slightly. 

"She did?" He asked, "for some reason I'm not surprised. But i can see all this time you've really changed, when you laughed, it finally lit up the room." He chuckled. "I haven't seen it in such a long time. Not that I had seen it much." 

"Do you..." she paused, letting her hand drop into her lap with a shaky breath and look at them. "Do you want to see it more?" She questioned, her heart beating so painfully loud in her chest, she was sure he could hear it. 

"I want to see it everyday, along with everything else that comes with you, Samantha." He answered, her face flying up, looking at him, prying into his features. 

"How do we do this, Spencer?" She asked fearfully. This time he lifted his head, using his other hand and caressed her cheek. 

"As slowly or fast as you want. If you want to start over, pretending everything before tonight didn't happen, we can. Or if you want to start off where we left off, we can." He answered, before standing offering her his hand. She took it as he pulled her up. They quietly walked to the front door, and he held the door open and walked out behind her. She glanced around and realized there were no cars. 

"I haven't gotten around to buying a car," She supplied, "I kind of like the subway." She shrugged, and he laughed as a chill ran through the air causing her shivering. He pulled off his cardigan and placed it over her shoulders, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. 

"I rarely use mine. I got a ride from JJ, we could call a cab or something." He asked, "I don't like that far from here, but.." he paused, obviously pausing because he hadn't gotten her answer.

"I'd like to see the humble abode of Spencer Reid, again. I didn't get to see much last time." She supplied, blushing at his grin, as he draped his arm over her shoulder before beginning to lead her to his home.

It was a quiet walk to Spencer's, he walked with his arm draped around her shoulders, a calm look on his face. He wasn't wrong, it was a short trip as he unlocked the first door to his apartment building, holding it open for her. He led her up the stairs and into his apartment. It was the same as when she'd last seen it, he flicked on a light, which was dim, giving it a slightly romantic feel to it. She fiddled with the ends of his cardigan, as she stepped inside. She leaned against his countertop, as he stood there. He motioned to the front room, and led her to the couch, she sat down, and he followed, grabbing at remote, clicking the tv on, he'd pause on before moving on receiving a shake, until they settled on a movie. The silence was deafening to Samantha. She slipped off her flats, and readjusted, which led her to sit closer to him. She paused, waiting for his movement, and he adjusted, letting her lean into him, a arm going around her shoulders, she let out a breath, relaxing against his chest. 

Samantha barely focused on the movie playing. She knew he was waiting for some indication on what place she wanted their relationship to move from. She didn't want to start over, she wasn't sure she could. When he'd surprised her outside Rossi's, she'd wanted to jump his bones, when she'd kissed him earlier, she had wanted him to deepen it. She was sure she wanted to start where they'd left off, but she wasn't sure how to say it, wasn't sure she could. But she wasn't the same person that was, who was so desperate to be touched so she could forget her pain, now she just wanted him to touch her. Samantha was heating up even just sitting there, his hand on her shoulder, thumb rolling circles over the clothes. She knew she could just crawl into his lap, but would he accept that? Probably. He might resist a little, like he had their first time all those years ago. The thought crossed her mind, if his kissing had gotten so much more experienced, maybe the rest had as well. 

Samantha took a deep breath, and sat up, his head turned towards her at her sudden movement, and she reacted quickly, tossing a leg over his lap, straddling him. He let out a whoosh of air in surprise, he kept his hands to himself, and she hated it, but cupped his cheeks, she leaned up, pressing her lips to his forehead, traveling down to his cheeks, kissing both, pressing a kiss on his nose, his chin, and paused. He'd closed his eyes, and his fingers we on her waist, she let out a breathless chuckle, before kissing his lips, she didn't start gently, she went straight in to nip his lower lip, pulling it into her mouth, and felt his fingers dig into her hips as he moaned softly. She released his lip, and kissed him for real, her tongue darting out to enter his mouth, and they battled, and he thrusted his hips up, grounding his hard length against her, and she moaned, her hands running through his hair. She’s been wrong, he didn’t protest, but even now he was tender in the most seductive way. 

Placing his hands on her butt, he lifted her, her legs wrapping around his waist, and he walked them to the bedroom, laying her on the bed, pulling back. He undid his tie, and removed his shirt, tossing them to the side, where his pants followed, leaving him in nothing but his briefs. She sat up, slipping off the bed and pulled off the cardigan, before turning, pulling her hair to the side, motioning to the zipper. He pulled it down, slowly, kissing the skin he revealed, sending shivers directly down the spine his kissed. 

Her dress hadn't allowed for a bra, and she was in the same undress he was. Just a pair of black panties, that hugged her butt. He stopped, stepping back and taking her in. His eyes flaring up with lust, and passion, she hooked her fingers into the waistband of them, pulling them off and stepping out of her panties and dress, leaving her naked. He fell to his knees, and grabbed her hips, forcing her to step forward, his face level with her flat stomach. Spencer pressed a kiss to her stomach, just below her belly button, and she let out a shaky breath. 

"You are so beautiful." He whispered against her skin, pressing individual kisses to both her hips, before moving lower, kissing the top of her thighs, he lifted one of her legs, making her lean back against the bed, so he could press a kiss to the center of her, which ripped her breath away with a moan. He lazily trailed his tongue up and down her slit, which felt like the best kind of torture to Samantha, the pressure slowly building up in her. He kept his lazy pace, before suddenly sucking her bundle of nerves into his mouth, cause Samantha to scream out, her hand bunching his short hair, her other hand grinning the blanket under her. 

"Spencer," she moaned out, and he lifted his eyes to her, and she watched his tongue poke out and lick her again. It was the most erotic thing she had even seen, and couldn't resist the whimper that left her, but still pulled his hair, wanting him to come up to her face, and she kissed him. She let his body fit between her open legs, his still clothed erection pulling against her heat, and she raised her hips to slide against him as he kissed her. While foreplay was nice, she was already hot and wet for him before she straddled him on the couch. Using her feet, she pushed his briefs off, him coming up to pull them off all the way, before coming back down and sliding directly into her. It had been awhile and he paused, letting her adjust to him with his eyes closed. She could feel him shaking. 

Samantha arched up, signaling him to move and he did. Slowly at first, he pulled out and thrust back in, and she moaned. He sped up and straightened. He looked otherworldly, as he pounded into her, reaching down with his hand to rub her bundle of nerves, and she nearly lost her mind. Suddenly, the pressure building in her was so strong, she clenched down, tightening on him, causing him to groan and his head lolled back, speeding up and she realized in her pleasure, he was as close as she was. 

She suddenly couldn't hold back, and her orgasm rocked her senses, her head back, eyes closed, chest arched, her hands grasping at the blankets under her, as his name was ripped from her throat, he followed close behind, finishing inside her and collapsing next to her. They readjusted and settled under his blankets, she laid wrapped in his arms, her head on his chest, she glanced up, to see him watching her. Her fingers trailing little circles on his chest, as his did to her bare back. She felt like she fit so perfectly along his side, and took a deep breath, the smell of their mingled sweat and sex filling her nose. 

"I love you, Spencer." She whispered when she tore her eyes from his. 

"Thank god. I love you too." He replied with a grin, his hand grasping his chin, making her looked at him. He kissed her softly, and they fell into unconsciousness, wrapped in love and each other.


	8. Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doctor Samantha Casey comes home one night after celebrating her successful joining the FBI, to find her large family of ten dead in their shared home. Using FBI status to fight for everything she believes and hopes for in her life, she finds the only kindred spirit that could possibly speak to her in the darkest time in her life, but will it be enough.
> 
> *I don't own Criminal Minds, but this is my original story, AND I worked hard, rewrote it 4 times, and it is published elsewhere. Enjoy

(Massive smut warning)

 

Samantha woke up in a confused haze, she could feel heat coming from her back, and trapped along her bare stomach. She blinked a couple of times, trying to get the sleep from her eyes,and tilted her head around. Laying against her bare back was a truffle of brown hair, breathing deeply. Spencer. Samantha blinked a few times, and blushed. She spent the night, wrapped in his strong arms, like a normal person. Much unlike their time together 14 years ago, where they did the deed, and dressed quickly, him going to his respected post, so no one would question it once the shift change came along. 

She wiggled slightly, getting loose from the warmth and comfort of his touch, tossing on her dress, and tiptoed into the kitchen. The morning sun lit up the room brightly, taking her a moment to adjust, and she went to her small clutch purse, grabbing her phone checking the clock, 5 am. She glanced at the kitchen and grimaced, other then coffee, she wasn’t very handy in that area, so pulling up the map section of her phone, found the closest coffee shop, slipping on her shoes, she slipped out the door, grabbing his keys to lock it behind her, and walked the block away. 

Once at the shop, she was washed in the array of coffee and scones as she went to the counter, ordering two coffees and a bag of pastry’s, she walked back to Spencer’s apartment, taking the stairs two at a time, slid right back inside, only to be treated with a shirtless, sleepy Spencer coming out of his room. He looked up and gave her a dazzling smile, as she placed the coffees and bag of food down. 

“I’m not great in the kitchen, so I figured this was just as good.” She smiled, placing his keys on his counter as he walked around to reach her, placing his hands on her face, he kissed her. Compared to the other kisses they shared, this one was soft and gentle. His lips soft on hers, as he tilted her head, before letting go. She stood for a moment, breathless and her eyes closed, before sense came back to her. 

“Thank you.” He finally spoke his voice dry from sleep, as he grabbed a coffee, popping the lid off and grabbing sugar. As he doctored his coffee, she was mesmerized by his undress, finally taking in the fact that his pants, hung low on his hips, a soft trail of brown fuzz disappearing into the waistband, soft muscles lined the front of him, as he focused on his drink, unaware of her thoughts. 

Spencer had woken up disoriented to why he was naked, until the memories had easily resurfaced. The first thought that had grazed his thoughts was that she had left, she had regretted it. But upon seeing her walk into his apartment, cheeks flushed from the morning weather, and bathed in the sunlight from the windows, he had thought she was an angel, until his eyes focused. Even in her wrinkled clothes from yesterday, she seemed otherworldly. He lifted his head and found her tearing her gaze from him, her cheeks flushed, and her breathing heavy. And felt some pride well in his chest, which he finally realized was bare for her eyes. 

“Do you feel alright?” His voice was soft and she raised in eyebrow in his direction, and he motioned his head towards his bedroom, and her face seemed to get redder, as she brushed a stray piece of hair from her face. 

“I’m perfect, Spencer.” She dazzled him with a smile, leaning against the counter, her eyebrows drawing together, eyes focused on his arm. “What’s that?” She asked, reaching forward, and he glanced down, shame rolling through him at the pock-marks. 

“I guess there is some things we should discuss.” He spoke out, gesturing towards the kitchen table, she nodded and sat as he grabbed a sweater from the couch, tossing it on, sitting across from her with his coffee.

“So, a few years after you left for witness protection, I got kidnapped by an Unsub, Tobias Hankel, a man who suffered from multiple personalities. He kept me in a shed and injected me with Dilaudid, and I ended up coding for a second, until he brought me back. Hankel only had me for a day or so, but it was enough and I was hooked. I’ve been sober for 12 years, but some scars don’t fade.” Spencer explained as Samantha watched, he expected disgust to play across her features, instead her hand dropped onto his and she squeezed, understanding dawning upon her features.

“Tell me more about what you’ve gone through, Spencer.” Her voice was soft and he sighed, watching her hand on his, as her thumb rubbed circles on his wrist. 

“Well, I’ve been shot 3 times, once in the leg, the arm and in the neck.” He responded and sighed, leaning back. “My mom has dementia and I made some very dangerous choices for her. I moved her from Las Vegas, and began using an experimental drug on her, but it was illegal in the states, so I ended up in Mexico, where a Unsub who had made some connections after the team and I locked her up. I ended up charged with murder and locked up, but the team got me out.” Her free hand covering her mouth. “I had to do something’s I’m not proud of, so that I could avoid attention as an FBI agent.” He explained, seeing her nod. 

“Most recently, I was kidnapped by a refounded cult that Prentiss and I had shut down years ago, the new members had killed 299 people, and intended for me to be there 300th, so that in my death I would help them create a sanctuary like the Garden of Eden which was guarded by 300 angels.” He shrugged, and she chuckled.

“You say it so nonchalantly.” She spoke out, a slightly twinkle in her eyes. But there was something different, like she wanted to ask him something specific, but didn’t have the courage. 

“What is it?” He asked, and her eyes widened only a fraction.

“Well, so, um,” she began, and she looked at the ceiling. “When we were at the Headquarters, and you were asleep at the roundtable, you said a name.” Her voice dropped and he tried to think back, until it came to him simply.

“Maeve.” His voice hoarse, and she nodded, not looking at him. “What do you already know?”

“That she died.” She answered, “I asked Garcia, because I thought that maybe Maeve was your wife or girlfriend, and Garcia refused any information, but did tell me she passed away.” Spencer sighed.

“A few years ago, I was suffering from horrible migraines, and I couldn’t find any logical reason for them. I had CAT scans and everything. So I reached out to a geneticist, Maeve Donovan, the best in her field. And while we only spoke on the phone, we had a lot in common. But she had a stalker, and wouldn’t let me look into it, so we never got to meet. I loved her, just from our conversations. Until I called one day, and got one word. Zugzwang.” Spencer’s voice was soft and Samantha squeezes his hand. 

“I panicked, and went to Hotch, and we looked into it, and found the stalker, which was a woman, Diane, and she wanted to beat Maeve at everything, and when I stood in front of Maeve, seeing her for the first time, Diane shot herself and Maeve in the head. Killing her.” Spencer finished, his breath coming out in painful gasps. Even after all this time, it still hurt. He didn’t see Samantha get up, but felt her presence as she moved his chair and knelt in front of him, taking both hands into her own. 

“Spencer, I’m so sorry.” She whispered, bowing her head over their joined hands, and he looked at her blond hair, and smiled.

“It’s okay, Samantha.” Spencer whispered, “I’ve grieved and moved passed that heartache, sometimes it just hurts to talk about it.” 

“I understand.” She responded, and went to let go and pull away, but he stopped her. 

“While I loved Maeve, and she helped me a lot. It never changed how I felt about you, how I still feel about you.” Spencer’s voice was gentle, but firm. “I didn’t say I love you last night just because, I said it because I meant it, I still do. I’ve loved you since I was 21, and that never changed. I just pushed it into the back of my mind, because I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you again.” He freed his hand from her grasp and touched her chin, lifting her face to look at him, her eyes glistening slightly. 

He didn’t speak, just pressed his lips to hers, for the second time that morning, letting go of her face, he wrapped his arms around her waist, as she melted into his chest, deepening the kiss. Reaching around, and grabbing her legs, he lifted her, sitting her on his table, stepping between her open legs, as he pushed his tongue into his mouth, kissing her harder, as her hands went to his hair, and a moan slipped from her lips. Gripping her thighs, he ground into her, and felt the wetness between her legs and groaned, she hadn’t put her panties back on, and he only wore his thin pajama pants, she moaned and sucked his tongue into her mouth, arching her chest against his, her fingers leaving his hair, reaching for the hem of his sweater, pulling it over his head, breaking the kiss. 

Samantha smiled at him, pressing a kiss to the center of his chest, before nipping the skin there, sucking slightly. She continued her movements, up his chest, her nails digging into his hips as he ground against her again, the friction causing her to pant as she reached his neck, kissing him again. Her fingers leaving his hips, pushing his pants down, and gripping his length in her hands, and he moaned into her lips, as she guided him to her center, and he pushed inside of her, bunching the skirt of her dress up at her stomach, as he leaned against her, pushing her down on the table, and she laid back, her face flush, lips red and swollen, chest rising and falling as she watched him through heavy lidded eyes. 

Reaching up, he pulled at the top of her dress, letting her breast fall out for him, as he pulled out and pushed back inside of her, slowly, forcing his eyes to stay open as he watched her chest arch, her head falling back, her eyes closing, and her mouth open as his name tumbled from her lips. He bent down, taking her nipple into his mouth, and he continued pumping in and out of her, her nails scratching down his back. He lifted her leg, draping it over his shoulder and she whimpered, as he slid further inside her, a gasp ripping itself from his throat, as she watched him. Letting her arms fall, she gripped the end of the table near her head and lifted her hips in time with his thrust, as they both climbed higher and fell over the edge. He watched her as she came, her hands gripping the table until her knuckles were white, her mouth open, her eyes squeezed shut, her legs shaking as she tightened around him, milking his hard length. He dropped her leg, letting himself fall into her chest, listening to her heart beating fast.

“I love you Spencer.” She whispered, letting her fingers find his hair, as he slid out of her. He pulled away, and grabbed a towel, stepping away from her, he whiped the spot between her legs, before stopping, sliding a finger inside of her, and her eyes widened, as he brought the finger to his lips, sucking her juices off. “Oh..” she moaned, as she watched. 

“I don’t think I could ever tire of the way you taste.” He whispered his voice hoarse, as he knelt on the floor in front of her, he couldn’t get enough of her. The sounds she made, the way her body arched in his arms, and the way she felt. But before he could lick her, she sat up, crossing her legs, she flashed him a devious smirk. Grabbing his face, she brought him up to her lips, as she slid of the table, pushing him against it. His pants were bunched up around his thighs and he was hard again, she smiled as she stepped back, pushing her dress all the way off, standing in his dining room, naked. She pushed his chest, as she dropped down to her knees, looking up at him, she watched him, watch her as she sucked his dick into her mouth, and he groaned. Not only was he buried in her mouth, but watching it was even more erotic. 

“Fuck, Samantha.” He growled out as he gripped the table end, as she used one hand to cup his balls, and another to slip between her legs, and she moaned around his dick, before sliding her hand back out, letting him fall from her mouth, she coated him with her hand in her fresh juices, before taking him back inside her mouth, and he nearly fell forward, as she took him with even more vigor, her fingers buried back between her legs. As he grew closer, he could tell she was as well, her legs had spread wider on the floor, and her hand was working fast at her bundle of nerves, but he pulled himself from her mouth, grabbing her under her arms, lifting her easily as she spread her legs to wrap them around his waist, and he slid inside of her easily, and putting her hands on his shoulders, she lifted herself and slammed back down on his length, cumming instantly. And he followed quickly afterwards, kicking his pants off, he leaned them against the pillar, as his legs threatened to give out from the pleasure. 

“Spencer..” she moaned against his throat, and he let her legs drop as he slid out of her, and she looked at him. “I’m not done with you yet.” She smiled seductive, and she glanced at his couch, walking over to it, she bent over it, showing her glistening flesh, and he felt himself harden again, as he stalked after her, and pushed himself inside as she moaned, clutching his pillows, as he reached around, to rub her bundle of nerves as he pounded into her, and she came instantly, coating his dick and his upper thighs as he continued to pushing side of her, her juices overflowing as she came again, her legs shaking against the couch, until he came, and he draped himself over her, kissing her back, until she turned and kissed him, her eyes heavy, and he pulled out, lifting her up, and taking her back to his bed, laying her down, and settling next to her, she curled her slender body against his as he pulled her close, his eyes fluttered close.


	9. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doctor Samantha Casey comes home one night after celebrating her successful joining the FBI, to find her large family of ten dead in their shared home. Using FBI status to fight for everything she believes and hopes for in her life, she finds the only kindred spirit that could possibly speak to her in the darkest time in her life, but will it be enough.
> 
> *I don't own Criminal Minds, but this is my original story, AND I worked hard, rewrote it 4 times, and it is published elsewhere. Enjoy

Samantha and Spencer would find themselves in a sweet romance that seemed to go on forever. Spencer, moving into Samantha's apartment, for more space. After 6 months of rediscovery, Spencer would propose in a sweet, yet awkward way of his, stumbling over words, quoting the line of her favorite book. She would smile, tears in her eyes and say yes, then kissing him passionately. Before making love on the living room couch. 

Their wedding would be small, just their friends and Spencer's mom. Penelope Garcia as Samantha's maid of honor and Derek Morgan as the best man, David Rossi would walk her down the aisle, being the closest thing to a father. Samantha would wear a lovely white dress, the same one her sisters and her mother wore. There would be tears, for the people who couldn't attend, from both the bride and the groom. Samantha missing her family, and Spencer missing Gideon. But their vows were sweet and full of love, and their honeymoon was full of passion and romance; barely even leaving the Italian Villa the Rossi had splurged for. 

It would be three months, before Samantha announced she was pregnant, and there would be joy, pure and sweet and fear, completely unfounded but real. Samantha and Spencer would work diligently through their issues, using a therapist. The very same Samantha used before. No matter how much they prepared, they never felt ready enough, until their baby girl was born, being named Morgan Ann Reid, in honor of a man who had saved Spencer's life multiple times, and helped them both prepare for the arrival; and Samantha's mother. 

They would survive, having Morgan, Jason, and Marguerite, and Spencer would retire. Opting for a safe 6 bedroom house, and living a life of love and support. There would be fights, arguments that left Spencer sleeping in the library, and Samantha crying in their shared bathroom. But by morning they would apologize and they worked it out together. Samantha would right a series of fictional crime novels, using her experience in Witness Protection, as well as picking Spencer's brain about being an FBI agent. 

And all was well, as the two lovers grew old together, watching their children grow and have children of their own. 

Their love never died, only growing with each day. 

 

The End.


End file.
